Background info is that my relationship with my 80 year old mother is very strained. She has always been very dishonest and manipulative, and often lies about the severity of her health conditions to illicit sympathy. This has been the case all of her life.
She has not been a good mother, I don’t like her, and I have no intentions of being her carer - even if that were geographically possible. It would be a disaster for both of us. I was neglected by her as child, and have little compassion for her current predicament.
I visited her a couple of days ago. She has bronchitis, and has also fallen and sprained her wrist. She owns an elderly dog which is lame, blind, deaf and doubly incontinent. For over 10 years she has refused to accept that the dog is toiletting inside the house regularly, and as a result her house smells like a urinal.
Things appear to have worsened considerably but I don’t know whether this is because she is ill and temporarily unable to cope.
I briefly saw inside her bedroom and the floor was covered in sheets, on which was a lot of dog poo. She has now admitted that the dog poos in the house, and that she has to clean up after him every morning, but there was a huge amount of poo suggesting that she is not cleaning it up each morning.
The smell was terrible - as you can imagine - and I have concerns about her sleeping in this environment, particularly with bronchitis.
She says the dog cannot go in a cage as this would cause him to cover himself in poo, which would be harder for her to clean.
I am not able to discuss any of this with her as she lies about everything, and we argue.
I don’t know what to do to help.
She generally refuses to go to her GP due to a mistrust of doctors.
She will not be parted from the dog.
Does anyone know whether I can flag her up to someone as a vulnerable adult who needs extra support?
She is on pension credit and I think gets attendance allowance, but currently doesn’t have anyone helping her, despite being encouraged to have a gardener etc.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Would social services see her for an assessment? Or do I notify her GP that she is vulnerable and needs a check? I considered contacting Age Concern but they don’t seem to offer an appropriate service.
Whatever I do will be met with hostility and condemnation, but it does seem as though she is not coping, although this may be a temporary situation.
Yes, she may well have the beginnings of dementia, but in all honesty her current behaviour is not particularly out of character.
Any advice would be gratefully received, but please bear in mind that I have good reason for not involving myself in this, beyond trying to find professional help for her.