Hi apologies in advance for the long post... I am really struggling with how to deal with my mum (82 years young). I lost my dad and mums husband almost 4 years ago during covid after a long period of deteriorating health. In 2019 my dad was aware my mother was struggling to look after him (they both refused carers) following a long hospital admission he made the decision himself that he wanted to go into a care home. My mum took this quite hard at first but realised she had not been coping, not having to worry about my dad 24/7 I saw a different side to her. At first she visited my dad every day sometimes twice a day, but as time went on these visits reduced to once or twice per week when she knew dad was doing ok. My dad was calling the bingo, playing cards and dominos and his mobility improved massively. Then Covid hit and we were not allowed to see him, he quickly deteriorated and passed away in April 2020.
Mum took his death really hard but in time she started to pick herself up, she managed ok for a couple of years she had her two dogs which became the focus of her life. Then in April 23 one of her beloved dogs died, this is when I noticed the biggest change in her far more than after my dad’s passing. She wanted to move house as she saw the dog everywhere. In the past year though she still talked about moving, but started to talk about some home improvements she would like to make. Roll on to November 2024 and my brother started to fit a new bathroom for her. This has been fraught with problems and the work is still ongoing. This has caused so much stress for my mum and she is regretting him starting the work.
What I say next is a culmination of life events but would appreciate some advice on how best to approach the situation. My mum has become very pessimistic, she worries about everything, too's and fro;s about what she wants, critiques everything anyone says with the exception of a few (myself getting the brunt of it), keeps forgetting things, having trouble with sleep and tiredness through the day. I have tried to get her to go to the doctor but she refuses. All of the above are causes for concern but the biggest red flag for me is she wants to spend Xmas alone, when last year even though she had lost dad and her dog, she actively participate in Xmas, was happy shopping for presents, attending Xmas Eve Carols and being with the family for Xmas day. This year she has said she cannot wait for the festive period to be over, she does not want to spend any time over the period with family and wants to spend Xmas on her own. Whilst I want to respect her wishes this is very out of character for her and I am really worried. Not sure if this is depression and anxiety given everything she has been through or the start of dementia. Would appreciate advice on how to handle this from anyone who has been in a similar situation. She is refusing to see a GP