Visiting parent in nursing home on Christmas Day.

[Christmaseason]

This is to people who have a parent in
a care home, hospital or nursing home, are you planning to visit them on Christmas Day?

I am trying to decide whether to go after my earlish lunch on Christmas Day or on Boxing Day.

Visiting on Christmas Day is doable for me, it will make the day busier as I cook Christmas lunch for five adults. I can get a lift there and a taxi back and then relax with my DH and adult DC.

If I don’t go I think I’ll feel guilty.

What are others doing?

Will you be more relaxed and able to spend more time on Boxing Day? Then that is when I would go. We used to go and see my father (five minutes away) after breakfast on Christmas Day. And then on Boxing Day as well.

My mums care home is offering lunch for £10 pp if families want to join their LO. I lost my dad last year, my partner lost his this year and my daughter is travelling this year so we are going to spend the day with her and then take her out for lunch on 27th too. It is all new to me so just trying to adjust but delighted we can go and see her and have lunch together on 25th. Hope you have a lovely Christmas whatever you decide.x

We're going in the morning as he'll have more energy to deal with the family in the morning and then he can have lunch and sleep in the afternoon.

Then we'll go home with the cousins and have a late Xmas lunch.

I'll go and get my mum so she can have Christmas Dinner with us then take her back in the evening. I can't imagine her being in the care home on her own on Christmas day.

It's a bit of a faff with her wheelchair, I go in the car, taxi back to mine, taxi back to care home, drive home, then relax with some baileys 😀

I would love to be able to take my DM to my house but unfortunately haven’t been able to get her out of the home since spring this year.

Have you asked the home what they're doing on Christmas Day? Sometimes it's so full on with meals and activities that you might be better off visiting on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day to avoid tiring the person out too much.

Sometimes it's so full on with meals and activities that you might be better off visiting on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day to avoid tiring the person out too much.

Christmas Eve is a very good idea, then I get to see my DM and relax afterwards. Sadly she wouldn’t join in any activities as she hallucinates most of the time.

I have been visiting my dad on Christmas Eve the last few years since he hasn't been at home. It's too much to make the trip on Christmas Day with all the kids bouncing around etc.

It's also a bit quieter on Christmas Eve, he's not great with noisy and busy so it's probably easier.

Last year we did veg prep the night before, cooked turkey overnight, up early with DC for presents then I popped over to see DM for an hour or so to open her presents whilst DH laid the table, and then put the veg in the oven as I headed back home. We all go over the day after boxing day. It works as DM was only 20mins away. Any further than that and its a rush or you eat late lunch

My Mum has been in a home for a month now, about 20 mins away. I thought I'd take my Dad there in the morning, drop him off for the day, and then we can all go and visit her in the evening when I go to pick him up again. It's so tricky, as I have 5 children and I hate the idea of disrupting their day, or missing out on any part of it with them, but I can't imagine not seeing my Mum on Christmas Day. I really don't know how to work it so everyone is happy.

Thank you, I have found all your posts very helpful.

Will she know that you're there or not and will she know it's Christmas?
If not, I'd spend the day with your family and go on boxing day.
I'd hate to think of my family interrupting their Christmas/family time to visit me if I were in a nursing home and unaware that they were there.
It's very sad

Will she know that you're there or not and will she know it's Christmas?
If not, I'd spend the day with your family and go on boxing day.
I'd hate to think of my family interrupting their Christmas/family time to visit me if I were in a nursing home and unaware that they were there.
It's very sad

She doesn’t know my name or that I’m her daughter but she knows I someone, perhaps a nice member of staff. She may know it’s Christmas for a few seconds and then it’s gone again. She can’t open presents herself so I’d open the one from me and tell her what it is and by the time I’ve done that she’ll be back in her own little world (which isn’t particularly a nice world). On a good visit she’d stays out of her world for minutes at a time, sometimes 5 to 7 minutes which is magical, like in The Notebook film.

I think in a way the visit is as much for me as it is for her.

I'm going to see my Dad on Christmas Eve. I've been on Christmas Day before but it was so busy and noisy with lots of other people having visitors and really too much for him when we turned up as well. I'm hoping it will be a bit calmer on Christmas Eve.

We’re planning to go the hospital this year to visit and we used to visit grandparents in a home on Christmas Day.
Current grandparent in hospital is physically unable to leave but is mentally all there, so we’re going to organise a rota to go and each spend an hour or so there so it feels like lots of people have visited that day.

Op, you sound like such a caring daughter. If I were you I'd go on Christmas Eve and on Boxing Day but have Christmas Day for you and your immediate family.

I'll visit my mum after breakfast on Chrismas day. I'll collect my sister on the way and she's staying to have lunch with mum. We're going to our daughter and son in law's for lunch, then I'll have to pick up my sister from the care home and take her home. None of this is local, so lots of driving.

It is something you work out. This year we're having our Christmas at home on Christmas Eve and seeing relatives including DM in her home on Christmas Day and then dp's parents for lunch. But I don't have young children so it's different.

If possible, I would always make time to visit a relative in a home on Christmas Day. I’d feel guilty if not.

Given it sounds like your mum won't know, I wouldn't worry about which day you go. Whichever day suits you best will be fine. Christmas Eve sounds like a good idea to me.