Where shall my parents live?

[TellEmAboutTheHoneyMummy]

My parents live in a massive house in the country. I am not bothered about an inheritance, just want them to have enough to live on and pay for their care. All their money is tied up in that house and they have very small pensions so they can’t afford to maintain the house or buy much. We have suggested they downsize, rent or equity release. Equity release is out of the question. They say they are afraid to move.

DM does not go anywhere very often and does not mix outside of family. Rarely goes for a walk in case she meets someone. I sometimes wonder if she is agorophobic.

DD has a gammy foot but still very mobile. He can currently take care of the garden but less so house repairs and no money for them.

My opinion is they would be better off moving but fear it is now too late. i fear they will die there with the house and garden going to ruin around them.

I can see their issues are currently minor compared to many problems on this board but I fear for the future.

any thoughts?

How old are your parents OP?

That was going to be my question. How old are they and how 'moveable' do you think they are physically?

I do understand. At their age and time they have spent in the house it feels unthinkable and very scary to move - even though the status quo on paper doesn't feel sustainable.

How far do you live from them?

That was the first thought I had

Second thought. How have they got a massive house (inherited?) but tiny pensions

Could you talk about how much of a lovely family home it is and how it would be lovely to see if filled with children (ie encourage them to sell and downsize?)

Today is the well-est, and the most able they will be. There comes a point where health and physical ability will only decline, they will be less able to do home repairs, to keep on top of housework, to manage a house move.

So many of us are in the same boat op and it is a worry. Huge house and garden, expensive to maintain and heat but with an elderly relative who missed the boat in terms of moving into comfortable retirement accommodation. Falls and isolation are a worry as they get older and older.
if they won’t or can’t leave I would try to look at the finances. Can they get attendance allowance to pay for care and cleaning.
if they get a shop delivered every week, meals delivered weekly, gardeners once a month, a cleaner once every three weeks. Set up and use less rooms for example downstairs rooms. Would they accept a lodger who can also do some chores for them. Can relatives have a pop in rota. Are there local services which can help. Our local town has a friendship centre for older people to socialise and have a low cost lunch with entertainment and an outreach service etc. They should be enjoying life not trapped in a big old house.

Could they be persuaded to move to a bungalow near to you? This would probably be best - What would be best and what people are actually prepared to do can be very different things.

I would really encourage them to sell up and get a bungalow in an area near shops, doctors etc.

You can make all sorts of sensible suggestions, but while they have capacity to make their own decisions there is nothing to prevent them making bad decisions.

A gammy foot and a reluctance to mix with people won't entitle either of them to attendance allowance.

Yes, as I know from personal experience

We had to move the In Laws all very quickly and last minute due to dementia and worsening behaviour and it was very very stressful. Maybe better to have a conversation of what they could possibly want in the future now - sounds like the house is getting too much for them and could be a weight lifted if they moved somewhere more suitable. Also somewhere near to a doctors surgery, hospital and on a bus route in case they can no longer drive.

Thank you ilovemoney, I had not heard of attendance allowance, I will see who is eligible even for the future if not now.

I will keep raising it with them.

Also plan for support if they stay there. Not sure where the money for home care will come from if they stay in the house?

If social services agree they need care then there will be a financial assessment and if they pass the means test the local authority will fund it. They may not get what they want though and only personal care will be covered not cleaning etc.

Do they have bathrooms and potential bedrooms on ground floor?

Can they create room suite for live in carer (s)

But cost of running house plus food heating plus live in carer may be more than care home fees

Just be aware that if they do downsize and ultimately are assessed as needing care in the home, any cash they have left over from the house sale will be taken 8 to account and most likely they will have to be self funding. We’ve just been through similar with my parents - they sold their 3 bed semi 2 years ago to downsize to a 2 bed bungalow. They both only have state pension and PIP due to long term disabilities but because they had cash left over from the sale of their house, when Dad came to be assessed for carers earlier this year they were deemed able to pay.

LA won't fund a live in carer and if they have small pensions they won't be able to either.

It took me many years to persuade my mother to move. She did finally move into a flat recently and is now very pleased she did.

The upheaval of moving was very difficult and she was reluctant to part with her enormous collection of belongings. I spent all my weekends going through stuff with her and in reality had to make many harsh decisions myself as she wouldn't make up her mind.

I feel much happier now I know she has everything on one level and doesn't have to worry about exterior maintenance or the garden. She has made friends with the occupants of the other flats and is very happy in her new home.

I think it is very difficult to contemplate but if you can convince them to move it would benefit them hugely.

Is this correct, even if they have money in an asset e.g. their home? I knew in Scotland home care is not means tested but I didn't know this about the rest of the Uk.

The value of the home is not taken into account when assessing in home care, just the cash in the bank. If the person needs to go into a care home then yes they will take the value of the home into account, or 50% of it depending on how the Deeds are split if they have a spouse/partner.

We’ve just been through this with my dad: my parents still have a lump sum of cash in their bank account after downsizing to a bungalow so they’ve been assessed as being able to self fund daily carer visits, despite the fact they only get State Pension and PIP due to disabilities so are nowhere near “well off”.

Ok great thanks that is useful to know.