Feel like life on hold- any advice?

[DreamyBee]

My DP aren’t that elderly in the grand scheme of things I suppose (DF is 68 and DM is 66).I’m an only child, married with no kids, I live about 40 mins away from them. They’re usually ok, have a few health issues and I worry they are quite isolated as they’ve never been the most sociable of people.

This year my DF has attended A&E 5 times with chest pain. He’s had investigations done but nothing conclusive. Last attendance was last Thursday when he stayed in hospital for three nights for observation. He is constantly unwell with some symptom or another and I have to brace myself to speak to him as I’m always on edge that’s he’s about to phone an ambulance. I’ve never had a close relationship with DM but she’s also finding this hard to deal with. I’ve always been closer to DF but I’d say less so in recent years. DH is supportive but he gets frustrated with them.

I’ve found this all quite stressful. Initially I thought he was going to die and it still feels like that every time this happens. I’m quite anxious anyway and have been in therapy for over a year which started off being about work stress but now is more about my worries regarding my DP. I’ve cancelled a holiday to America this year and I get extremely anxious about going anywhere. For context, I used to be quite happy travelling and going on holiday was something I really enjoyed.

I suppose I’m asking, how do you stop putting your life on hold? Do you just have to accept you may need to drop everything at any time and go out and do things/go away anyway? And has anyone got more experience than me at this and is living through it or has lived through it?

Thanks for any advice.

To put it in perspective, I’m several years older than your DF, and I’m in your position, the only with an elderly parent. I did put my life on hold for a few years, but not till my dad was 95.

They can cope without you. DM can call an ambulance. Make sure you've said everything you would want you to your DF. Then tell yourself you’ll start worrying when they’re 80.

If you want to support, do practical things. Make sure they've sorted wills and PoA. Have they got a downstairs toilet and shower room? Are they making the house practical for an older person? Make sure you understand about care funding so you’re ready to talk when necessary. Get them used to people coming in, eg a cleaner or someone to cut toenails.