Elderly MIL trying to tell me how to behave

[Orangesandlemons77]

A bit of an odd one with elderly MIL. Keeps trying to tell me how to behave regarding eg. my parents and other folk, for example an elderly neighbour.

So she will ask how the person is and then tell me I should be sending them a card / ringing them and then next time I see her ask how it went.

It's odd, I don't see her or remember her giving so much attention to older relatives either now or in the past. I'm not sure why she feels this need to control what I am doing.

Sounds like your MIL is trying to access the outside world through you. Don’t take it personally and just say “oh yes they said thanks for the card” then leave it there.

I found Mum became really focused on being needed in her 70s and 80s. I suppose it's not surprising, we all need a purpose in life. She would spend lots of time with one particular member of the family, worry about them constantly, plan things to do. Then they would die or things would change and she'd move on to the next one. It was slightly out of proportion sometimes. The worrying got out of hand as she got less able to do things.

Could you reflect it back to her? Ask how her card was received?

Mine does this, I think it's about her wanting to appear superior to people so there's always someone on the go that she's helping and is always very worried about. She rarely does anything actually helpful, it's all performative and things that can be seen or talked about with others!

Specifically on the being hounded about sending cards to random people. I just ask if Goldenballs sibling has sent one. Of course he hasn't, he even forgot her birthday one year, but she wouldn't hound him about cards because he's a man!

Has she asked her son if he's sent them a card or is this solely something women do?!