Another Day Another Problem - MIL's care home

[I8toys]

So MIL moved into care home in March this year with vascular dementia. She has DOLS placed on her. She hasn't really settled and always wants to come home.

There have been issues with arguments and fighting with one particular woman. Its come to head where they want to move her to a different ward for her safety. These arguments usually result in her being pushed over as she is unsteady on her feet. They want her to move and we pay an extra £200 for the privilege.

I am fuming and I asked why the other woman couldn't be moved. They said its because this woman would be dangerous on the other ward amongst the more vulnerable patients. I am gobsmacked. So my MIL who knows the carers, the nurses on her ward has to be moved because of this woman.

We are going to see where they want her to move to tomorrow but I have said I feel like MIL is penalised because they can't manage the situation. Any ideas what we can say/do?

I had a similar situation last Christmas, my DM and another resident were really winding each up and my DM’s Alzheimer’s was getting a worse. I asked if she could stay where she was and was told by the lovely care manager that they simply couldn’t meet her needs there. The care manager was very firm with her decision and there was nothing I could say or do to make her change her mind.
My DM moved to a home next although next door which was a completely different set up and different staff. It did take a while for her to settle but I can really see it’s the right place for her now.

As your MIL hasn’t settled maybe this move will be better for her.

Is it a one off £200 or are you saying an extra £200 per regular payment ?
Could you suggest as it's due to their suggestion and conflict then you'd be prepared to meet them halfway at 50% ( £100 ) Btw replying as a one off .

Its an extra £50 per week on top of what she pays so £1,900 a week. Its hard writing that down!

TBH they are good apart from this and I wouldn't want to move her again to a different home. She's already moved rooms once because of a leak.

I think you maybe right that it could be better for her in the long run. I suppose we just have to go and have a look around and make a judgement. At least she will be safer than she is now.

I suppose we just have to go and have a look around and make a judgement. At least she will be safer than she is now.

I wish you all the best, this must be a very stressful time for your family.

Potentially the other place will have more staff so your MIL will have someone to stay close if she needs, as she is unsteady on her feet.

Hope it all works out

I would look elsewhere, that's a huge amount to be paying to start with if they aren't providing care at a high enough level to prevent such things. Not everyone will fit at every home.

It sounds as if your mum might well be better in a wing for more vulnerable people. It's hard to accept your once strong relative (in my case grandmother with vascular dementia and MiL with Alzheimer's) becomes vulnerable. Have you asked why you're paying more? It's possible they have more staff to people who live there (apparently residents is not acceptable term)

Its because of the staff to resident ratio. So more staff to look after them.

I8toys

How did you get on today?

We had a meeting with the manager. Aired our views and we realised that eventually she would need to be moved to the nursing ward not just residential care. It was basically for her safety and looking around the ward I think it will be better for her. So fingers crossed they are moving her this afternoon for a trial run. We will visit on Sunday to see how things are going and they will review after a week. She was in good form today and much more coherent than usual. It was her wedding anniversary yesterday so we took their wedding album. She could recognise most people.

Well done OP.

I can’t understand how they can tell you for your own mothers welfare and safety she needs to move and then charge you extra.
They need to keep her safe, whatever!
If she stays and she’s hurt that’s on them so they need to move her for her safety or deal with aggressive residents so they don’t put people at risk.

That sounds like it went well and moving her to a nursing ward will benefit her (I had the same situation last Christmas with my DM and the higher staff ratio and extra nurses have really helped her).

@I8toys Sometimes you have to look for the least worst solution. Prior to lockdown and care staff shortages, it would have been pretty easy to move DMiL elsewhere. Now, even at £1800+ a week, you won't have a lot of options. Have been there. DMiL had to be moved twice - she 'mutually' failed her probation period at CH no 1, then at no 2 had to be moved from initial wing to higher ratio wing. See how the trial goes. December - March is the extra super busy time in care homes - more people seeking places, staff under most pressure to cover their own holidays and winter illnesses. Probably best to try and work with what you have.

OP

For my dad, when he moved from the residential to the nursing side of the dementia home, the home was able to apply for funding (I think to the NHS) to cover the difference. He was in Wales so it may be a different system but worth enquiring?

I am sorry about your mum, it is a bastard of a disease.

Thanks all she already has FNC and doesn't qualify for CHC. Maybe as her needs are changing we could ask for a reassessment but I'm not holding my breath.