Dad wandering in the night - is it now time for a care home?

[BigBarm]

I’m currently on a long haul overnight flight back to the UK and I decided to use the wifi so I could catch up on a few work emails before I go to sleep… but I’m now unlikely to get any sleep!

Background: My dad has dementia and still lives in his own home - we have carers visit every morning and evening and a few other visits across the week. And he has some social arrangements with friends and family that I organise/oversee. He’s still able to do some things for himself without help, eg microwave a meal, walk to the shop for milk.

His Blink camera has pinged me to show that he was wandering around outside his house @ 3:45am. His carers make sure he locks up after their evening visit (8pm) and he’s never wandered before or left his home after they’ve been, so this is a worrying change in behaviour. He’s gone inside now, so I think that he is safe. But as I’m on a flight, there is bugger all I can do anyway.

I’ve been looking at care homes recently, thinking that it’s something for in the future - either when it becomes unsafe for him to live there or when I crack and can’t cope any more, whichever comes first! I live 200 miles away and I’m exhausted trying to manage his care/house and travelling to see him frequently. (I have a sibling who lives closer, but they are not doing much compared to me). I was hoping that it would be a little while yet before he needed a care home… but now this has happened I’m thinking it might need to happen soon?

I’d like to know what others think. Does this wandering now make him unsafe and need to be in a home? At what point did you realise that your parent can’t live in their own home?

Thanks for listening!

Thank you for all your replies, they have been very enlightening - especially to hear about the patchiness of symptoms.

He is very quiet these days, doesn’t say a lot when he used to be such a chatterbox! And he was a very expressive person, but now his personality is so very flat: everything is “alright” whereas before he would enthuse about something being “really brilliant” or “bloody crap!” Sometimes I think grief for my mum might play a part in this, but as time goes on and the dementia progresses, it seems like he doesn’t really care, like he’s forgotten her.
In some ways he is still lucid: he knows who everyone is, doesn’t have delusions that anyone is still alive etc. And whilst his grasp on time is poor now, he knows eg who the prime minister is/who the king is etc.

i spoke to him earlier - he has no recollection of going out last night and was surprised when I told him. I advised him to check his dementia clock if he’s unsure what time of day it is and I’ve asked him not to leave the house on his own if it’s dark. Told him to ring us any time if he has any worries or confusion. Whether that will have any effect…who knows.

💐💐 and empathy to all of you also going through this, it’s bloody soul destroying, isn’t it?

I know the answer to this - she’d be bloody furious! .She was a very practical, sensible woman 😆. My dad is much more needy.

You might want to think about a motion activated speaker like this - https://www.alzproducts.co.uk/timed-wander-reminder so it can say 'go back to bed dad' or 'don't go outside, it's night' when he goes to the door

@BigBarm
It might be a good idea to register your Dad with the police using the Herbert Protocol. It could be very helpful if he goes missing and they have to look for him.

That speaker looks like a good idea@CMOTDibbler
@HarrisObviously - I did register dad with Herbert Protocol just a few weeks ago.
Both good ideas for anyone in this position, thank you.

MIL is effectively locked in now. The carers use the side door (front door keys are awol in our house) and they go through a 6’ fence and gate to get in. The gate bolts from the outside, so she can get out into the garden but not out to try to get into other people’s houses at 3am. There are more sophisticated locking systems but it was an emergency response by DH.

The comment about symptoms being patchy is spot on, and it does muddy the waters.

Take care OP.