Is this usual for a care home?

[Toddlerteaplease]

My friend who's 82, has been in a nursing home for four years. Although I find his care generally very good. He's not seen a dentist of all that time and he's teeth are clearly bothering him. I also had to arrange for an optician to see him. I thought the home would manage these things? I'm trying to distance my self from getting involved with things like this. As it's not really my problem. And he has a son, who should step up.

It varies, but one thing that seems consistent is elderly people telling carers and social workers and doctors that they’re fine, then complaining to non-professionals who then have to sort it. Maybe call the home and ask them to sort it, I’d be willing to bet they know nothing about it.

It might depend on how mobile the person still is, but in my experience that kind of appointment was down to family to arrange. The home would call a doctor to the resident if they were ill. Routine other health stuff was not part of their remit. But agree that his son should be stepping up. Do you have contact details for him?

We arrange all MIL's appointments for non medical care.

E.g podiatry, hair dresser, optician, routine dental etc.

As a 3rd party don't get too involved though, you might not know the full story. We had a 'helpful' friend of MIL threatening to report the care home to the care commission as her hair wasn't being cut. In reality MIL screamed blue murder and thrashed her head around getting her hair cut and we had to stop bothering to save her being accidentally stabbed.

Ive known friend for 19 years. In that time he's seen his some about 3 times. His son Is lovely and did step up when he initially went to hospital. But has since pretty much washed his hands of his dad. Which I do understand as he feels that he was abandoned by him and left with an alcoholic mother. He's also never bothered with his granddaughter who he claims to love. She doesn't even know him. He is quite self centred and most things have to be on his terms.

@BibbityBobbityToo I visit once a week, and I'm trying to back off. I'd love to walk away completely. But feel
I can't, because he has been good to me. And I'm the love of his life. So it would be cruel not to visit.

In my experience homes forget about teeth. Sometimes the elderly can be difficult about cleaning their teeth so they just give up. You can arrange for a dentist to visit. It sounds as if you can’t rely on the son.

If you want permission to stop going (or drastically cut it back) then permission is yours to give. You owe him nothing. I's nice to visit but if it is taking you beyond your comfort zone of involvement, you can absolutely do it only on your terms. Or not at all. Sounds like he's burnt bridges and he's now enjoying the results of that..

It’s very difficult to get nhs dentists to visit care homes. It can also be very difficult to get less mobile clients to the dentist. I manage a care home.
one of my residents needed a couple of teeth removing, in the end dentist, and two nurses had two come to remove them (client was in a specialist comfortable chair not suitable for transport, couldn’t go in a normal wheelchair, when she went into hospital, via ambulance they brought her back via stretcher)

The home can organise all of this but I've found that the next of kin/POA holder has to tell the home they expect them to organise it, otherwise it just gets left.

A lot of relatives do seem to organise it themselves (either because they want to or don't realise the home can do it as no one told them) and it's easier for the home if they do that, but it's not your responsibility to organise it.

They might end up charging for a carer from the home going with them to an appointment. It got added to the monthly bill.

The dentist can be very difficult, particularly for the less mobile and there are so few NHS dentists now.

NICE guidance is that all resident have a mouth care plan, as part of their overall care plan, that includes twice daily brushing with flouride toothpaste (many don't, but thats a separate problem). Arranging dental visits at set intervals could be added to this plan.

In the absence of instructions the home probably won't do anything, and will assume family will sort it.

Nursing home were able to refer to a hospital dental service here. But the resident hadn’t said anything to the home… and is difficult about brushing teeth. It took me listening and raising asking how it worked if dental treatment was needed. Then there’s a waiting list for an appointment. But there was an NHS service for people not registered with a dentist.

So apparently they don't have a regular mobile dentist. Which I'm a bit shocked by, tbh. I contacted a mobile dentist but it's mega bucks. £280 to be seen, and £500 for a single extraction or filling. There is apparently a dentist locally that can cope with hoisting. So will give that an ago. Although their waiting list is long. If the home can take him, that will be ok.