MIL fell - what can we do to keep her safer?

[pontipinemum]

My MIL is 73, she had a fall yesterday thankfully DH, SIL and myself were all there. Then BIL came over to help us get her up safely. FIL was also there. She just caught her toe on the join between two floors, I've done it myself. I can still see it in slow motion in my head.

She had a bad stint with cancer 2 years ago (I know it's never easy for anyone) where she spent months at a time in hospital. She has recovered remarkably well from this and can do all her usual things at home. Just maybe a bit slower.
FIL now also has cancer and will be away for treatment during the week.

I think understandably we are all worried about MIL being in the house alone. Not to her complete determent but she is a proud woman who won't accept too much help. She won't live with DH and me during the week while FIL is away and she doesn't want a button around her neck.

I've suggested DH/ BIL take turns in sleeping over. (SIL lives in a diff city and will be taking FIL to treatment). We have 2 young children, 1 who is 11 weeks old and breastfed so I can't really take a turn. But being on mat leave I will go over every afternoon for an hour or so for a bit of company. We are also looking into getting her a watch that makes phone calls.

Sorry this is more of a release. But if anyone has any ideas we would be grateful?

As you demonstrated yesterday, being there won’t prevent her from falling. So I would concentrate instead on removing trip hazards and having a way of calling for help. The watch idea is a good one.

as a person of similar age, I wouldn’t be wearing a falls pendant either. But then I wouldn’t need 4 people to get me up, not unless I’d done something like break my hip.

73 is very young to be so frail. But the council will help - call their adult SS OT team who will come and check the house for trip hazards.

Also - horribly annoying - suggest she loses weight if that’s an issue. It really helps.

Is she very frail? Or is she a large woman? Just trying to understand why she needed four people to get her back on her feet. It sounds like there was a trip hazard that could have (and has) got anyone in the past, so I'd say that needs to be resolved as a matter of urgency, but I don't think it sounds like she needs round the clock care, someone staying over every night, or anything like that after one isolated trip.

But if she is very frail as it sounds then it may be only a matter of time till she has another fall. My granny is 93, only in the last five years has she accepted she needs to wear a neck pendant, and that happened after she fell and was on floor for a few years till my dad drove round to check on her.

Can you maybe just have a system of checking in at various intervals when you know she's on her own for any length of time? A phone call or get her to WhatsApp or something?

At the end of the day, it's her decision what help she will accept so you can't really decide you'll do X or Y. She has capacity and can make that decision for herself. Have you asked her what she wants to do?

Bless you pontimum as you truly have a full on job as mum plus family that have age and associated health issues that are now becoming demanding also.
Talk to others in similiar plus friends and any medical / mental health groups when u get a rare spare moment.

Few hours!!! Not years

Is she particularly frail that you are all so worried about this fall? Especially as it seems the sort of thing anyone could do falling over a trip hazard.

I'd look at trip hazards and make sure she has had a recent eye test.

Beyond that she is likely to resent anything she sees as taking away her independence.

She did lose weight a few years ago on the recommendation of the GP also started getting herself out for a walk a few times a day. She then got cancer and didn't need to diet. She is still over weight but isn't huge if you get me.

It didn't take 4 of us to lift her. DH plus BIL did it because they are the strongest and could do it without pulling on her too much. I didn't think she was frail until I saw her lying on the floor in a lot of pain. She really hurt her knee/ side. SIL is going to WFH today and bring her to the GP later.

Yes removing that stupid trip hazard is top priority now.

I think the watch will be the best option. Or getting Wifi in and getting alexa set up.

@AnnaMagnani she had Leukaemia and it weakened her a lot. The sort she had, had a really bad prognosis. She hadn't seemed fail these passed few months. I think that's what shocked up. When she fell she was pretty stuck down there and in a lot of pain

Does she currently have any mobility aids ?

Something like an Alexa or watch might be a good idea. Does she have weakened bones now due to cancer/treatment?

My MIL is the same age and lives by herself. Is she reasonably independent?

Wearing well fitting slippers in doors that have backs on them with a good sole on them. Bare foot or socks is a falls hazard

What about a couple of Amazon Echo dots scattered throughout the house ? She just needs to call out 'Alexa, call xxx' and that way she doesn't need to remember to wear a watch or pendant or be close to her phone.

I don't understand all this "I don't want a neck button, I don't want this, I don't want that etc. while others all around are terrified of something happening when they cannot be present all the time. As you can probably see I have experience of a person like this!

Anyway, in our case we managed to get a camera put up in the hall and on the landing (preserving privacy of course), that way we could see the person coming down in the morning, going upstairs at night (there was a loo downstairs). That helped enormously, if that is of any help for you.

You sound very kind and caring, bless you.

It would be worth asking for referral to the falls clinic.

Falls can be caused by odd things, like having too many prescription medications at the same time, or wearing varifocal glasses that prevent people from focussing in the distance when looking down.

She really needs to get an alarm button. It's better to take the hit to her pride than have you all run ragged trying to look after her. That goes nowhere good in the long run.

@FamilyPhoto we fished out the zimmer frame she had from when she had cancer.

@crumblingschools I would think she does. We are close but she is still a private enough person so I don't know the full ins/ outs of her health. SIL will know though. Yes I would say she is still completely independent. She doesn't drive much anymore but that's the only thing.

@Blistory I think they'd be good. We have a few and they are so handy. Most ours are just the plug ones. She doesn't have (or want) wifi though

I've been down this route and the "pride/privacy" thing is a real problem. It leads to bad falls, which lead to rapid loss of strength, and loss of independence. It's much better to accept that help is needed, and to get it early.

@Havalona DH and SIL are over with her this morning. SIL stayed last night, she usually does stay with them most weekends. So I'm sure they are discussing plans. I am close to MIL and see her a good few times a week but she is private enough so might not want to discuss everything with me. Although yesterday I was the one to suggest the zimmer frame because I knew she wouldn't tell me off the same way she would her children, lol. Thankfully it is a bungalow so no stairs.

Ask the GP if there's a local falls clinic she can be referred to.

Check the house and garden for trip hazards and ask adult social services to do an OT assessment.

A wearable device or simply make sure she always has her phone with her.

Well fitted, secure footwear at all times.

And physio - private if you can afford it, for speed and thoroughness - both to reduce the risk of further falls and teach her ways to get herself up if she does fall. Lifiting should really be a last resort because there's a high risk of injury for both her and the lifters.

Might be an idea to find out if she needs a bone density check.

I think my MIL is the only one in her friendship group of similar age who hasn’t broken a bone. Hormones (or lack of) play a part.

Could you persuade her to get the internet.

How incapacitated will FIL be during his treatment? Will she be able to cope?

Really alot of quality messages on here and hopefully helpful too

I don't understand all this "I don't want a neck button, I don't want this, I don't want that etc. while others all around are terrified of something happening when they cannot be present all the time.

I agree. I’ve worked in care in the past and known so many people who regretted not having a pendant(which can also be worn on the wrist) and so many others who are grateful for theirs because it saved them. They really are worth every penny even if they’re only needed once.

One thing that might help would be a walker that has a tray to put things on rather than have to carry things like a cup of tea or plate of food. I have some mobility problems and find I am unsteady when carrying things so use a walker with a seat which acts as a tray. It also has a small bag to pop things in like a book or my knitting.

A Google Pixel watch will alert family/emergency services when you fall. Possibly make calls as well. Would that be a more acceptable way of doing it? Pricey though.

This is interesting, the liklihood of resenting anything that might seem to be taking her independence away.

My MIL was too proud to be seen with a walker and holed herself up, became isolated, sad, depressed and unconditioned.
It was hard to watch.
My mother is 94, has an allotment a mile away, lives in her own house ( with stairs) but has a walker ( and walks an average of 3 miles a day, in London, so on the flat), but also uses bus and tube. She sees her walker as a means to increase independence, not diminish it ( though she was a physio, so very aware of enabling strategies, throughout her career).

OP, It's very hard to watch a loved one sabotage chances to be more independent, even if it looks like (for her, she is embracing old age or more frailty).

Pride is a huge component here, and I agree with @AnnaMagnani, she may be resistant to help, however well-intentioned; a wrist alarm would be good, it does not necessarily have the stigma of the pendant alarm. Ensure they have a landline, BTW, as some elderly don't engage with smartphones and these companies often use landlines, but BT and the like are increasingly cutting this facility, which is often essential in an alarm situation.

All the best, it's hard. X

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.

DH has been with her this morning and SIL is taking her to the GP. He said she was in good humour and getting around. Her knee is very swollen though.

She does use a smart phone, so does FIL. They're not too bad with technology.

I think the watch will be the way to go. She can be a bit resistant/ proud but not the the point that it would put her to a big disadvantage. I think the worst thing will be when she has to stop driving. We live about 5 miles from the village, but we will cross that bridge as and when