Turned out as expected

[Bigsigh24]

I would say I get on well my my parents, but they are hard work. The normal things which others report, constant help on programming phones
/sky / Netflix / cooker clock / burglar alarm / these are the ‘funny ones’ but there is a long list !

Twice Dad has asked me and Sister ‘would we be okay if he sorted so we had POA’ yep fine if that’s what you want dad, we said this first time and then also second time of asking.

Dad sorts their finances etc , I do the things he asks me to do with this, such as set up so I can transfer money from his current account to his savings etc , all his own decisions, just he’s nervous with internet banking app.

was at theirs other week and during casual conversation I asked, did you sort out that POA ? Just idle conversation , makes sod all difference to me or Sister. He replied oh yeah will call solicitor.

Mentioned to Sister that in hindsight I shouldn’t have cause now it will be portrayed as me telling him to sort it, that it’s my suggestion etc.

yep this is exactly what happened today!

I know it sounds silly but it so pisses me off that events get changed to sort of hold over me.

sister dropped their documents off at solicitors, even though they were passing there themselves, when she pointed this out, mum said ‘well it benefits you, so you drop em off !’

@Bigsigh24 maybe mention that being POA is basically unpaid admin slave work and it is possible to refuse and step away. Solidarity with the twisting of words and that your help is also being twisted.

For the Financial one I understand you can include provision for your attorney to be paid a reasonable sum.

If you have any love for your parents, I wonder why you would leave them in a situation where decisions about care and where they live were being made by people who don’t know them and they have no access to their money. (I know many people don’t have any love for their parents).

@MereDintofPandiculation I didn’t know Financial LPoA could be paid - thanks for sharing for OP.

I couldn’t justify taking a fee to myself because there is just not enough money, I hope to preserve a sum to cover funeral costs and have engaged with social services so nursing home funding is future proofed. Also DF would never have agreed to a fee!

We’ve had a difficult relationship in recent years because I am most local, so the frontline of practicalities. What I read in @Bigsigh24‘s words feels like my situation 2 years ago, DF did not like that I could see the cracks and increasing need. I’ve also been the one who said ‘stop’ when all DFs attorneys were at breaking point and I said it wasn’t okay to break us all to maintain DF living ‘independently’ against medical advice.

I do my LPoA duty and visit DF because I have love for my wider family and DF is a part of that but DF himself has ground me down and continues to make digs.

I didn’t know Financial LPoA could be paid - thanks for sharing for OP. This is advice from the Which? LPA-writing service. I haven't tried it. We tried it on the Health one,DH's was accepted by OPG, mine wasn't, but that may be because Health hasn't anything to do with money so can't make any rulings about financial things.

Visiting DF isn't a part of LPA duties - just in case people think it is. Nor is physically caring for a person part of Health LPA duties.

I probably needed to use the Oxford comma - I do my LPoA duties, and visit DF, because I have love for my wider family. Right now, that’s how I’m getting through the load.

Having LPoA in place is helpful and I would encourage family willing to help to get them in place. I also see OP’s DPs are doing this via a solicitor - which I’d also encourage, DPs then know they’ve had independent legal advice.

LPoAs have enabled us to help with decisions in DFs best interests - but ‘well it benefits you, you drop em off’ shows a lack of understanding - it’s not a gift to be given attorney powers. It can be a big workload when you’re managing DPs finances, property, health, and wellbeing on top of your own.

Thank you , yes they don’t get that, one minute it’s ’wouldn’t Know what to do without you’ and now it’s ’well it Benefits you’ , what ? Even more to do ?