Hi sorry meant to reply yesterday but got distracted.
She's ok mostly today, she's up and down with it in general. I keep telling her to go outside, maybe stay back at her own house for a night (she's done this once already and DGM was fine). Sometimes she watches tv or does a bit of gardening in DGM's garden, I tell her she needs to have boundaries and try to enjoy life.
I do try to help, my sibling and I both do but we are only 2 people. No other family, my DF died last year. Sibling works away 2 weeks and I work full time so have to work helping my mother with appointments and shopping around that. DM doesn't drive, she's managed to get a taxi back to her house a couple of times but wants me to take her to appointments I think she's worried about getting a taxi back from the dr etc.
I don't like the suggestion that I'm not empathetic. It's just hard, and DM never asks how I am and frequently monologues about what DGM has said/done as soon as I walk in the door, which is stressful as well. I've suggested she speak to a counsellor but she won't listen. Just wants to talk to me/us as we're family. Sibling feels the same and will withdraw if she goes on too much. She once phoned me up wailing down the phone, I thought something was actually wrong but no, it was because DGM had got confused and thought it was the morning when it was evening (this was pre-hospital when DGM was mobile). A quick talk with me and a bit of a joke and she was totally fine, just needed someone to talk to but then I got a stress headache afterwards! It's the not soaking up emotions that's the struggle, hence why it's better to talk to a professional rather than family I guess.
DM has seen her GP but for various physical issues rather than discussing her mental state and the strain of helping look after DGM. I'm sure the GP is aware and she's probably mentioned it but not how it's affecting her. I took DM away on holiday before this all kicked off with DGM ending up in hospital and sometimes we go for lunch or to the garden centre. She has a cousin who sometimes calls round too, they went for lunch last week. A couple of friends as well but seems reluctant to see them at times - told me she "prefers the company of young people"?! Alright then. I try to be light hearted and get her to see things a different way but it's hard at times.
As to DGM we think she did have delirium before when she was in hospital, she totally changed for a while. I think she's lost her confidence and quite depressed at being stuck in bed (she was very independent still living at home, cooking and cleaning prior to going to hospital, everyone says she's amazing etc but I don't know if she'll be able to walk again despite doing well with the therapists and her exercises. I mean she's basically just lying there, no TV she doesn't want one and doesn't seem to read the magazines my mum leaves for her, then she doesn't want to drink although we say she needs to. The carers seem to be quite good with her, make sure she's eating etc but once they're gone she starts trying to get out the bed and stuff and then starts on my mother. She already told her she doesn't want to be left alone there. She seems to have a good day when she's quiet and chatty and doesn't get all riled up then next day it starts again. What's a SW, social worker? She doesn't have one of those no, should she? I'm not sure how that works? I remember a boy at school having a social worker as there were problems at home, didn't realise they work with elderly people too? I guess DGM has a catheter because she can't walk to the toilet? She's had it since she was in hospital but seems confused how it works and says she needs to pee. She was on antibiotics for infection not sure if she still is.
I did mention to DM about the respite care thing once after seeing it mentioned here, she just ignored me. I think she does need to think about the option though, skirting around the issue doesn't help. The situation isn't improving and we need some normality.