Hello. So I am here to offload today on you lovely lot, and try to calm down.
My dad who has alzheimer’s went missing the other day, he was found by the police. It was a big family drama, but sadly, my dad’s wife doesn’t ever contact me and won’t talk to me about dad’s condition. She gets extremely defensive and annoyed if I bring it up at all or ask her anything AT ALL, even though she has nobody else to help except my brother and I.
So I heard about dad going missing from my uncle, and got a message from dad’s wife telling me he would talk to me. I messaged her again asking her how she was/where dad was but no response…so I went round the houses to my brother/sister in law etc to find out what was going on. This is always what happens.
Today I get a message from my brother saying that SHE is upset with us because we haven’t been more supportive about dad going missing. Apparenlty she told his wife this. Despite the fact that she never, ever contacts me, won’t reply to messsages about dad, she’s never called me in my life.
She’s asked my brother to sell dad’s car now, and we will still be the ones to get a call if any crisis happens. Last time it was their neighbour who rang me to say there was a problem.
I feel she actively won’t engage with us and has shut us out completely over the years - then has the nerve to say we aren’t supportive.
I am SO ANGRY. I don’t even know where to start explaining how difficult she is. Now I feel I must call her even though I didn’t think she wanted contact, but what to say and I’m dreading it as it’s so unfair.
Rant over. Needed to put this somewhere as my huge urge is to numb the feelings right now. I’ve had a good cry but it’s not quite enough. It’s all been so twisted and unfair.
She's a very controlling, difficult person and it feels so twisted back on us. She's never responded to my last (v nice) message about dad going missing asking if they're ok - and she's never picked up the phone and I felt didn't want me to speak to her (and I'm scared of her tbf as she riles up and I then feel teary).
On top I feel I lost my dad when he married her, and how completely to alzheimer's.
How can I deal with her and reduce all this stress which feels so unnecessary please?