Hello
New to all this and so just need some support and help. Sorry for the outpouring.
I don't want to be too outing but I'll try and explain as best I can.
Mum is under 65 and over 60. Has always been a bit on the 'depressive' side. However recently it's become unmanageable along with a lot of other issues and I need help as to what to do.
She 'cares' for one of her parents and that is obviously a strain as it's been going on a number of years however over the last year she does less and less care and just says she doesn't want to go and wishes that her parent would just die as 'it would be easier' we pay for daily additionally care 3 times a day to call at grandparent flat which is in assisted living. DM refuses to acknowledge that she can step back and we can put more care into place but is insistent on 'controlling' everything but then doesn't want to do anything about it.
DM has depression. We have tried to get her to access services such as IAPT for counselling and she won't. She says it's a waste of time. We have asked her to see GP who prescribed 25mg of sertaline. DM starts and stops medication regularly as 'it's not doing anything' but she doesn't give them change to actually work. Nor has she been back to gp to say it's not working.
Then more recently more things have started to happen. She has muscle weakness. Can't open jars, lift things (she dropped my 1 year old 6 months ago - luckily I was right next to her and caught him but it shook me up and she seemed non plussed about it). She has poor mobility.
Her writing has deteriorated and is really shakey now.
She cannot hear. We have asked her repeatedly to go and get it sorted and even go private as it's just so isolating not being able to hear. She says she is sorted it. It's been going on for over 8 months. Doesn't wear the hearing aids she should.
Cannot follow a conversation. Associated with hearing I'm 90% sure but then it's also seem a lack of understanding or concentration.
Struggles to remember basic words
Forgets the names of the children in our family.
Had a strange walking gait with a foot drop
Doesn't take pride in appearance anymore. Isn't smelly or dirty but rarely wears make up. Doesn't get hair done and it's all limp and lifeless.
Recently has suffered with incontinence but not just a minor leak. A full flood. And then it happened in public and she didn't seem overly upset about it. Just a bit 'oh dear'. I was horrified and my mum of times before would have been mortified. Hasn't taught medical advice for this despite going on for over five weeks.
Doesn't earn well particularly. Is a little underweight.
Lies about what she's been doing.
She is literally a husk of the woman I knew.
She seems to have no joy. No purpose in life.
She doesn't exercise. At all. Doesn't really leave the house besides the obligatory visit to her parent.
She used to bake, read, knit
I have tried so much to help her. Things I have offered and she's declined;
Go to doctors with her
Do online food shop to be delivered at her house
Meal plan
Booking things like swimming for her
Finding a knit and natter club
Finding a local social club for her.
Finding help to support grandparent.
I don't know what to do now and where to turn. I really need help. Who do I contact to help me? How do I get her infront of a GP
With me so that I can be open and honest. About what's going on.
I feel like there must be something else at play. Alzheimer's? Dementia?
I have a young family of my own, work full time and a supportive DH but I just don't know what to do or how to help?!
My dad is younger than mum and still working full time. Mum retired over 5 years ago and took retirement to 'spend time with grandkids' which she doesn't do. Dad is great in lots of way but shit with this and is just burying his head in the sand. And says oh yes I know but doing nothing proactive.
I'm sorry about the essay but I need to write it all down somewhere and try and get some help from somewhere?! Thank you if you've managed to read through all that.