Overbearing mum

[lilliber]

My mums in late 60s, lost her partner last year.
On my days on before DS started school she saw me every single one unless she had plans and often at weekends.
Now DS has started school she wants to come on school runs with me and to meet up when other mums ask me to social events. I find it really embarrassing. If I meet anyone she wants to know all about it and will ask me endless questions.
I wfh and due to covid don't have many friends so ma keen to meet other mums without having my mum there all the time.
She sometimes has my DS once a month so my DH and I can have some time together and will pick him up from school, she offers, we never ask. But then this makes me feel oblidged to constantly have her with me. I'm in my 40s too so no need to have my mum arranging my social life.

Your Mum is lonely but you need a life too!
How does your Mum know that there are social things or you're meeting friends? Do you tell her? If so, you might have to get in the habit of not telling her everything.
Does she have other friends? Hobbies or interests?

She has plenty of friends, but most are in couples.
None else takes their mum to everything.
She asks constantly..about both me and my daughter. I literally have to tell her about the ins and outs of everyone lives and every conversation I've had. She will ask then ask again later too, the same questions.
Both her and my sister are really sociable and like being around people. I am more reserved. My sister is exactly the same with my teenage nephew, on top of him nagging about friends etc.

I literally have to tell her about the ins and outs of everyone lives and every conversation I've had.

No, you literally don't. You need to put her on an information diet. Stop telling her when you're going to meet with friends, and stop telling her every in and out of what you're doing.

You don't have to tell her...
Stop telling her about the social things and if she asks why you didn't tell or invite her, point out that no one else takes their Mum!
If she asks questions she's already asked, change the subject 😁
These may be hard habits to break but if it's annoying you and stifling your own opportunity to make friends you do need to assert some boundaries.

I feel very sorry for her as her partner died in awful circumstances and she was very traumatized but we are taking far too much of it on atm.
Information diet is a good idea but when I say she asks, she will literally ask me the same question 5 times over the course of an evening even if I ignore her.
Same with my kid..who did you sit next to, what friends have you made, who did you have lunch with etc etc on and on.

It's a shame about her partner, but that is not a reason for you to have no boundaries when it comes to your mother. If she asks you something five times, tell her to knock it off. Honestly. Just because her partner died, that doesn't give her a free pass to be obnoxious and intrusive, and you are not a child. You can politely, yet firmly, put her in her place. She is not entitled to know every detail of your life.