Struggling with thoughts of loss to come

[Jobsharenightmare]

I don't know where this belongs. I'm wide awake once more tearful at the thought that one day my lovely mum won't be here physically with me anymore. I have no reason to think it's imminent. But I almost feel this painful heartache feeling of sadness just by thinking (unintentionally) that one day I won't be able to spend time with her.

I'm so much more aware of this since losing my grandparents relatively recently. I was fortunate enough to have grandparents who lived well until very old age. But am now so aware that unless something unexpected happens to me first, I'll be left here without Mum. And that thought hurts.

How do you just focus on making memories and shut out the horrible sad thoughts?

Maybe you need therapy? You are ruining today for fear of what will happen in the future. We all get older and have to get used to people we love dying and us becoming the older generation.
Knowing you’ve loved and been loved and enjoyed life where you can is the best you can do; the grief of loss comes and goes and time does help.

You’re still grieving your grandparents. It will pass.

‘How do you just focus on making memories and shut out the horrible sad thoughts?* Plan nice things with her, even just going round for a cup of tea. Keep on spending nice time with her. And keep note of your brain - physically pick it up and point it in a different direction if it starts thinking about losing your mum. Or use it as a trigger to find a nice card to send her rather than as a trigger to think “how will I cope?”

Thank you both. I have lost a few people close to me over the years, three very suddenly with no warning and I think now my brain is almost primed for it. I will take your advice on board. I appreciate the support. I woke at above 5am again and literally sobbed. I phoned my mum and arranged to meet up and she actually started talking about some of her wishes in her old age and at end of life. Not a coincidence I suppose as she is now coming to terms with the loss of her beloved parents.

I didn't phone her at 5am though - when it was an appropriate hour!

Glad you can still recognise humour! Sorry my suggestion backfired. But she probably felt a lot better for having communicated these things to you.

Sending you massive hugs. I understand where you're coming from. To start with I have to say that my mum died recently and I am struggling to cope but the reality is very different from the anxiety I felt when she was very ill a few years ago. If you have a good relationship with your mum as I did with mine for the most part (we'll ignore the stresses of dementia) you can have so much pleasure in each other's company. There are things you can do to make memories - special things, big treats etc - but what I miss are the silly things, the daft things that she said without thinking, the 100's of little kindnesses that she did for me and for my family, sharing thoughts and laughs with her. Try and be mindful of those and enjoy them. Don't dwell on the fact that one day they will be gone. Enjoy it all here and now.