Depression and Anxiety in Mum

[Infracat]

My mum age 72 is in a deep depression. Shes been recently diagnosed with MCI at the dementia clinic. Its absolutely awful as they have said she has memory problems due to her mood/depression and have just sent her off with a form to self refer for counselling and told her if things get worse you can come back but you have to leave it 12 months. She is at absolute rock bottom. Shes lost weight. Shes hardly leaving the house. She has anxiety. Nothing anyone says is working to lift her mood or help her out of this. Everything is negative, she has no hope. She regularly says she wants to die, life isnt worth living, she might aswell not be here, she cant cope with life. Its just devastating to witness. I just don't know what to do anymore. Its having a huge affect on me to the point where Ive had counselling. Im totally and utterly heartbroken. People say I need to take a step back and just leave her to it, but how can I do that when its my mum and shes done so much for me throughout my life. I just want to fix things but I cant. I just needed to get this out. 😔 Has anyone else here dealt with anything like this with their elderly parent?

Is she taking any medication?

Is your Mum on any medication for the depression and anxiety? Does she have any medical support for her mental health apart from what the dementia clinic have said above? Do you suspect there is more to the memory problems than what they have said?

My Mum is around the same age and has quite significant mental health difficulties (not dementia, but her mental health difficulties due cause memory problems etc). She has a weekly visit from a community mental health nurse who works with older people, and is also seen regularly by a psychiatrist for medication reviews etc. This support makes a huge difference. It has taken a very long time to get to that level of support though after some very difficult periods with it in recent years. If there is no other support currently in place, I would be phoning her GP and asking to speak to their mental health nurse to get their advice and try to get your Mum some more support. If there is already some mental health support in place for your Mum, I would contact them to ask them to see her. This level of depression sounds debilitating and I can fully understand why it is worrying you so much.

My mum is on Mirtazapine 45mg which I think is the highest dose, but it doesn't seem to be having much effect. She was under the older peoples mental health team originally, but we pushed for the dementia assessment as her memory was so bad. But they've diagnosed her with MCI caused by depression and mood and signed her off from their services. Its awful. I dont know how they expect people in that state of mind and with memory problems to be able to self refer themselves! I tried to self refer her today so will see if they even come back to me. Maybe I should try and contact the mental health services again too. Or get her to the gp. Its really hard as she isnt always cooperative. Two nights in a row Ive had the phone put down on me or been had a go at. But I know its because shes so low. She just keeps crying. Its so sad. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I don't have any advice but just wanted to offer a handhold. All of that sounds extremely tough

@Infracat so sorry. What a worry. Similar situation but considerably older mother and also no actual diagnosis. She just seems to have given up as she is unhappy with how her life has turned out. Even though she she had loads of support to make life easier she knew better and was ultra resistant. It is really tricky when you as we have are probably incredibly proactive at suggesting things to bring some joy back. I really hope you can make some progress. It is gruelling and exhausting when you are willing and able to help someone but they will not engage.

My mum has dementia and was talking about killing herself. I took her to the GP who referred her to Dementia Crisis.

Dementia Crisis were brilliant. They are a comprehensive crisis team who have nurses and Drs. They came over to the house and first asked some questions, then they came again and did some medical tests (ECG, blood tests, blood pressure).

Then a Dr came to prescribe medication. They visit for about six weeks I think. I think you can self refer, am not sure but a proper check up at the GP would be a good start.

Other things that were very useful were Dementia UK and Alzheimer's Society helplines.

I know this sounds basic, but have you asked GP about antidepressants? My mum has just started on sertraline and it has made an incredible difference.

Please don't take this the wrong way but please go back to the GP;a few days before last Christmas my 87 year old neighbour with dementia committed suicide;His wife is so lost without him;its beyond sad 😔