Horrible mother

[Shouldntbutdo]

God I really dislike my mother.
I see her a lot (mainly because I live close to her and I have no excuse) but I don’t want to. She is full of stupid opinions, is mean about everyone she knows and totally without empathy. It has been so much worse since my dad died 4 years ago as she is “undiluted” and I cannot bear her. Almost everything she says makes me die inside.
Suppose I’m just looking for coping mechanisms?? Please?? I feel I am going to blow up at her and would rather not. But god I want to…

How old is she? What sort of things does she say? More context is needed before people can comment I think.

@Shouldntbutdo couldn’t read without offering some kind of sympathy. Same with my mother. She has always been ‘I say what I think’ but she has most definitely got worse with age. She has nothing wrong physically and we took her for a memory test last year due to her ridiculous attitude. Passed it with flying colours almost sneering that we thought we might get a diagnosis to help us. No such luck and as my sister and I expected she has always been ‘difficult’. I know posters on here do not like armchair psychologists diagnosis of narcissism but it is hard to not consider this with our mother. I recently had an operation with a few complications but she still excepted me to do her shopping and clean for her despite not being able to drive for 2 weeks. Her words were ‘well on the day you get the all clear to drive I will see you at 10am’. Sorry for my own vent there! What I would recommend for you to look at is a website a few of us on here share regularly https://outofthefog.website hope it helps

Empathy. Live hundreds of miles from my mum so don’t have to see her very often. She has dementia (undiagnosed, she’s in complete denial, makes stepdad’s life miserable). her symptoms include the loss of social awareness, unfiltered thoughts and aggression.
Could your mum be unwell?

@Shouldntbutdo good point by @MrsSkylerWhite Our brother was the one who wanted a diagnosis for our mother as the Golden Child he has largely been oblivious to her ‘charms’ so he sees a ‘change’ in behaviour where as my sister and I just see the toxicity ramped up. We got a referral in a slightly convoluted way - prefer not to say as outing potentially. Anyhow we got a name of a consultant specialising in ‘the older person’ - we did go private as an NHS referral was 3 months wait. It was quite eye opening seeing her ‘perform’ in front of a fabulous doctor who clearly did see through her. Sadly he couldn’t give us any diagnosis but did suggest we get a referral to a psychiatrist. Our mother refused and has since refused to engage with anything that might help her. I would get some referral if nothing else so you are on the radar of people with more knowledge. Sadly for some of us our mothers/fathers do not mellow in later life at all. Absolute sympathy for you and hope you get something from this thread.

You have some options. One is to stay away from her, another is to see her but keep visits short and manageable, another is to disengage emotionally so her comments don't bother you.

Thanks for your replies. Nice to know Im not alone. I love her, i just don’t like her. And she doesn”t like me. That simple I suppose. I”ve been waiting my whole life for her to show some real emotion/warmth. She won’t. I once told her gently that i felt she didn’t like me much and i just got fake waterworks until i apologised. Sad, but i know i will just keep on pandering to her. People don’t change