I stood up to my brother as he keeps controlling/bullying my parents?

[RILEYM1982]

It was my brothers 50th birthday on Sunday and he was quite aggressive to my mum as she did not get him a cake and jelly sweets etc.
(I went to visit my mum on Sunday and I took her out for a coffee) When i dropped her back home he was shouting at her and my dad so i stood up to him and said do not talk to mum like that now he is sulking with my parents and me (which i am not too bothered) He always try to control my parents my mum went to town on Monday morning and got him clothes, chocolates/sweets a cake gave him £50 he is still not grateful. He told me he does not want me to go around his house ever again (it is my mums house not his)

You did well to stand up to him. And now you're going to build on that and report him. That's impressive.

It's not going to be easy. Your parents may well deny his behaviour, and there'll be some comeback. But this can't go on. Your poor parents.

Can you get your parents into sheltered housing? A unit where you have to be at least 55 to live there?

I will look into this. I also will ring and email the ASC today. He wont let them go in the garden or the kitchen until after a certain time or ask for his permission he even has their bank card and have to ask him for money. I had to stand up for my parents. He used to bully my mother behind my dads back as my dad used to stand up to him.

So glad you are going to contact ASC - this is horrible abuse from your brother. Keep standing up for them

This is a form of domestic abuse and if it was my parents I would contact the non emergency police number for advice.

Who is power of attorney and health and welfare attorney for your DP?
Will your DP feel comfortable telling ASC what your brother is doing or will they defend him?

I think the power of attorney goes to my oldest sister. But my brother told my sister that if I go around to visit my parents he will see red and hurt me (another threat)

I have emailed the ASC this morning and will be ringing them at lunch time. I got an automated response from the email saying we will be in touch shortly. But I will definitely call them at lunch time.

Quite honestly I’d be contacting the police too. This is abuse - including financial and it’s an offence.

Absolutely

Yes. Having read that they don't have access to their own money, I'd consider talking to the police, too.

AgeUK's advice line will also support you in taking the right action. Their advisors are excellent.

He always bullies my parents every time I stand up to him I’m made to be the bad guy.
anyway I rang ASC who took details from me what has been happening they told me to keep them informed they will get back to me. I will also contact age uk for advice.

Keep going around . You can say you will call the police. And inform them about his abuse towards your parents .
He sounds awful. Your poor parents

The government page about elder abuse suggests calling this helpline to an organisation called Hourglass. Its helpline is staffed 24/7. Maybe try them?

wearehourglass.org/hourglass-services

I will try this thanks.

I hope you get a helpful and empathetic response.

I second those saying please also contact the police. Tell them it is domestic abuse, including financial abuse and coercive control (is there also physical abuse?). These are criminal offences.

Thanks! He just uses intimidating tactics/sulks shouts slams things etc. Until he gets his own way. I have stood up to him in the past then he has attacked me before shouting get out my house. When it is mums house and it is up to her who visits. He will not speak to my parents for months now as i stood up to him.

Yes, that shouting, sulking and attacking inanimate objects is all abuse. And the police recently had improved guidance on the forms of domestic abuse that don't involve actually punching people, so should be prepared to act.

I just wanted to give an update! I have spoken to the adult social care on the phone and via email. They have asked me to get time and dates and how my brother behaves. They are coming out next week (Tuesday) They may not answer the door if my brother is in the house. I am a bit down as the constant threats from him (if i go around he will hurt me etc) I just want my parents to be treated with respect by him.

That's a good start that they're visiting. I hope it goes well on Tuesday.

That's a great start @RILEYM1982 . Have you warned the social workers that your parents might not answer the door if he's there?

You've done well. I hope that social care responds strongly. You did a difficult thing, so they need to make it worthwhile.

You’ve started standing up to him, now carry it on. Tell him you will continue to visit your mum in HER home and if he becomes aggressive tell him you will report him to police / social services for cohersive behaviour which may result in him having to move out.

Can you change the locks when he goes out . Involve your older sister aswell , does she know what is going on . You need to keep at this for the sake of your parents.
Whether he has diagnosed issues or not his behaviour is not normal for someone of 50, he has clearly learnt that his bad behaviour gets him his own way .

If he is threatening you then you should also speak to the police.