I stood up to my brother as he keeps controlling/bullying my parents?

[RILEYM1982]

It was my brothers 50th birthday on Sunday and he was quite aggressive to my mum as she did not get him a cake and jelly sweets etc.
(I went to visit my mum on Sunday and I took her out for a coffee) When i dropped her back home he was shouting at her and my dad so i stood up to him and said do not talk to mum like that now he is sulking with my parents and me (which i am not too bothered) He always try to control my parents my mum went to town on Monday morning and got him clothes, chocolates/sweets a cake gave him £50 he is still not grateful. He told me he does not want me to go around his house ever again (it is my mums house not his)

50th or 5th birthday? What kind of bellend demands cake and sweets for his 50th birthday?

your poor parents. X

Is he this guy?

I genuinely stood up for my parents this is not the first time he has behaved this way. He tries to control what my parents eat/ drink he wont let them out with out his permission.

Is he at home because he can't live independently OP?

He always controls everything he lives in their house for nothing he wanted them to sing happy birthday etc He will not get his own shopping he makes my mum go and in the past I have stood up for my parents saying they do not have to go.

He lives at home because he doesn't pay anything there. He has always been in and out of jobs he leaves after a few months then gets a new job. But he can live on his own (or do what i do share with a mate)

I'm asking if he has special needs.

He gets a bit aggressive like that but he will not go shopping he will leave my mum to carry the bags and struggle.

No he is fine he has no special needs issues.

But his behaviour isn't typical of a 50 year old. Demanding sweets and cake and having tantrums isn't usually associated with someone that old. He can't hold down a job, I'm guessing he hasn't had a relationship and he still lives at home.

I'm wondering if he's perhaps undiagnosed. If so, there's little you can do as he can't help his behaviour. I'm sorry your parents have to deal with such behaviour, it must be very stressful.

I would ignore him telling you not to come over as he can't stop you visiting your parents.

This is elder abuse. If he doesn't let them go out without permission, he is 100% abusive, and you need to report this to Adult Social Care.

I know he's your sibling, but your parents are being abused, and you cannot let that continue. Call Social Care tomorrow.

I'm wondering if he's perhaps undiagnosed. If so, there's little you can do as he can't help his behaviour.

It doesn't matter what undiagnosed issue he had (if he has one) and there absolutely IS something she can do @poppyzbrite4 . She needs to report that her parents are being abused by him. There is absolutely no excuse for him not letting them leave their own home and not letting them eat and drink what they want.

He needs to get checked as you maybe right. He throws a tantrum then my mum will run after him. He used to bully me until i started standing up to him. He lives at my mums the only time he has lived away from my mums is when he lived with his ex for 3 months.

Prepare yourself for an absolute nightmare when your parents pass away and you are left to deal with your parent's assets and your scrounger brother. If you can get your parents to kick him out, I recommend it.

If he doesn’t have additional needs his behavior is very disturbing

They're not going to kick him out. He's using coercive control to abuse them, and no-one else on this thread seems to be taking any notice if that. If a woman posted to say that her husband wasn't letting her eat or drink what she wants, and won't let her leave the house without his permission, no-one would be saying 'oh dear, maybe he's neuro-diverse, FFS.

This is elder abuse and needs reporting.

I think when the worst happens (to my parents) he will try and push his way to move in with me. But I will not let him. My mum lost a house as she got behind on her mortgage payments (early 2000s) he was borrowing the mortgage money as he was shouting at my mum for the money to go to the pub. I had a little bit in savings at the time and i gave that to my mum to help her out.

I agree. They definitely won't kick him out. I was being wistful.

He must. None of that is anywhere near normal.

Thanks for all the replies it really helps. The reason i take my parents out for a coffee as it gets them out the house.

If a husband abuses his wife in the same way, does anyone say 'oh he must have special needs'?

No, they don't. This thread demonstrates the worst kind of ageism. A complete blindness to the abuse of the elderly.

Are you going to call Adult Social Care tomorrow and report him for abusing them?

Yes i will contact them in the morning. He is a bully no two ways about it.

That's excellent. I'm so glad. I was worried that you would let this go.

All the best. Tell them everything, and don't minimise any of his behaviour. Your parents need you to protect them. His abuse of them will only increase unless he's stopped. You're the only person who can prevent this.

Do come back and let us know what the response is from ASC. I hope they act. Good luck.

He was spoilt when he was younger (which is fine). But now he knows if he sulks he gets his own way then mum will run after him.