Mum needs a nursing home after car accident

[GlassLampshades]

Hello,

Can anyone point me in the direction of amazing resources, podcasts, websites etc where I can start to understand this whole new world that I've just arrived into?

My mum is late sixties and was in a car accident at the beginning of the year. She has a brain injury as a result, is currently in a specialist unit, and has been told she needs to leave as they can't do any more for her.

They advise a nursing home at mum's cost. My mum is bed bound due to the brain injury which has caused paralysis. She can use her hands and arms and can sometimes pull herself up to sit, but requires 2 / 3 people to move her. She does not use the toilet and only moves out of bed with a hoist to a chair where she sits for a few hours a day. She can hold a simple conversation but has clear cognitive issues, doesn't seem to grasp her situation, no short term memory.

I need to quickly understand how we go about financing this. My dad is also late sixties and in the family home in good health. The house is wholly unsuitable (a crumbling victorian terrace) for him and he would like to sell in the near future. The social worker says a decision needs to be made on Monday.

Hoisting, washing/dressing, repositioning, catheter emptying and providing food are not counted as high needs care.
I have seen very frail and dependent people fail to meet the criteria for CHC funding. Given what the OP has said it does sound like it would be care funded through social services and possibly a high needs residential placement rather than a nursing home.

Has your mum got critical care insurance/life ins/accident ins, check with your parents mortgage provider as they may cover some of this too. Anything and everything is worth a try.

No their mortgage is paid off and they got rid of all that cover.

Op, things that helped mum with the decision to put dad in care:

• anyone can be his carer, but only one person can be his wife. She needs to look after herself so she can be there for him.
• Carers typically do 8 hour shifts then get a break. Being at home involves 24 hour care and it's not possible to do that for a sustained period.
• the people looking after dad were experts. They dealt with his condition daily and were best equipped to handle his deterioration. They are also well experienced in the daily personal care needed for someone who is unable to look after themselves.
• there's usually specialists eg physio that can come to care homes and work with your mum

My dad passed away 2 years ago. Mum now feels she's suffering carer burnout as, even though he was in care, she saw him pretty much daily and took his washing home etc

There is no shame in not looking after your spouse at home. I had to do a lot of work to get mum comfortable with that. There's a whole bunch of loss going on for the healthy person. They grieve the life they thought they would have. They grieve the loss of their partner and watch them fade away. They feel helpless and powerless. I'd strongly recommend your sad speaking with someone to work through everything.

Good luck tomorrow, was mum in the car when the accident happened or a passenger in with an insured driver. What a terrible shock for everyone.

I get that, is not possible after discharge to nursing home, which would then AA

You really don't necessarily need to fund this yourself. Has anyone looked into continuing Health Care funding (CHC), also if she needs this support then social care should look at funding it. Its like any other care, she doesn't need to pay up front and is entitled the the care she requires to meet her needs

Apologies, I don't have time to read the full thread and I'm answering in between fielding a toddler.

I'm presuming if she's on a DOLS she has been assessed as lacking mental capacity to consent to being accommodated in the rehab unit? Has her capacity to decide on discharge destination and care needs also been assessed? Because it should have been. If she lacks capacity a best interests decisions will need to be made (is this what is happening on Monday I wonder).

You do not let them rush you. They will have to keep funding her placement until an appropriate placement is found. And you can't make la best interest decision without options.

I would be arguing at her young age she needs a placement with experience in managing brain injury, not just a nursing home. It is the social workers job to find this.

If your mum lacks capacity you might also be entitled to an IMCA (independent mental capacity advisor) if there is disagreement in this process (don't let them tell you she can only have one if she has no family).

I would also be looking into whether there is a Headway charity in NI (brain injury) - they might be able to support you.

Don't let social care/social worker pressurise you into rushing. This is the time to get your mum's placement right. I'm sorry this has happened to her

www.headway.org.uk/

Excellent advice

She doesn't come home. They need to find appropriate accommodation to meet her needs

Just an update to say the social worker didn't make contact on Monday (yesterday) about the Big Decision. Dad was in the unit and saw the SW around as they are based there. But they didn't come over to him. So he was panicked over something that didn't actually end up happening. I'm sure it will happen in the coming days.

He has spoken to Age UK who were absolutely fantastic and gave him lots of valuable information so he is feeling much better informed now.

Thank you all again.

Really pleased to hear you got in touch with Age UK.

Understanding your rights and the process makes what is a very difficult situation no less awful but less daunting.

You and your Dad need to remember that you don't have to agree to anything you don't understand or feel strongly (and can give good evidence) is not in your mum's or fathers best interest.