Are elderly parents really defiant teenagers in disguise !

[bizzey]

I am finding that dealing with my lovely DM ....is harder than what I had to deal with , when my dc 's were teenagers !

Not going to give reasons or examples ...because ...well ..I am sure you all know 😁..

But my goodness me !

Unfortunately in this case ....I can't withhold pocket money 🤣..

Joking aside...
At my wits end ...

Naughty step for 70+ minutes?

86 !

She would be able to get up afterwards 😁

Haha yes! I recently came back from helping DM after an operation. She is usually quite fiercely Independent and I think she was frustrated by the restrictions imposed to heal properly but it was very much like handling a teenager. I remember thinking similar with my DGM when we moved her in with us as she got older.

Hope I can still be defiant when I’m in my eighties.
😉😁😁.

We bought my aunt a gro-click when she started getting mixed up with daytime and nighttime and getting out of bed at all the wrong times.

I'd only recently bought one for my toddler.

Oh god, yes.
DM had a knee replacement and I took it in turns with my sisters to look after her.
Older sis thought the introduction of a bloody bell (actual brass hand bell, think Songs of Praise at Christmas...) would be an excellent idea for letting us know she needed something...
We were scampering up and down the stairs every whipstitch, DM thought it was hilarious.
She needs the other knee doing now and we've hidden the bell 😬

Wish my parents lived to be elderly.
Both passed age 63 ( younger than l am now).
My Dad would have been a grump ..but I'm sure my Mum would have been as lovely as she always was.

I often wake in the middle of the night and get up for a bit. I’m not looking forward to a well meaning carer pushing me firmly back into bed with the light off.

But I suppose the difference is, I know it’s the middle of the night.

Personally I think they're a cross between terrible twos and defiant teenagers!

My dad is in a care home and there's a lot of activities they do there that my kids did at nursery. Before he went there he was always wandering around home looking for biscuits & sweets.

Mum is definitely more stubborn teenager though.

My Mum was, though she had dementia which I think she had way before being diagnosed which probably had an impact but she was really really hard work, knew it and enjoyed being like that.

She had a hip replacement and never really recovered as just wouldn’t do the physio etc. She hated being told what to do and would do the opposite or try to find a “short cut”.

I’ve just had one a couple of months ago and am doing basically the opposite of what she did as really don’t want to be like her. I’ve booked a private physio session as at this point really want someone to tell me what to do which would have been Mum’s worse nightmare.

She was getting up and dressed and trying to leave the house to catch the bus to bingo or the shopping centre at 3am.

She did seem to understand the "if you can't see the sun it's not morning so you need to stay in the house" thing for a while.

It made me think of the circle of life and all- starting off as a baby needing cared for, becoming stronger and being the carer, becoming older and weaker and needing cared for all over again.

That sounds very Disney and cosy and wonderful, I know it's rarely like that.

Yup - DMIL has a little giggle which translates as "no ####ing way that's going to happen!" It took us about 9 months of her widowhood to figure that suggestions to do her balance exercises, put dates in the calendar (either phone or paper) would not be happening if that giggle was deployed (even if she verbally agreed!)

In other ways she was very cooperative & let us take over / help her with most things but only if we knew about it!

She's been in a care home for the last year and I'm glad to have the carers there to help monitor / plan things with us.

I know your pain...last week my dad actually muttered at me from the side of his mouth "you are not the boss of me", and when i said what? he went all nothing nothing i was just breathing.

And what had i done wrong..well i said "don't forget when i drop you home I have your wallet in my bag". because earlier he couldn't get it into his pocket and gave it to me and said mind that.

I think my teenage son is far more reasonable to be honest.

I got DM a "to do" list for kids the other day.

It's for tasks that need to be repeated every day. Homework, tidy room, do chores etc (or in DM's case: drink water, take medication, take vitamins etc). Each item on the list has a yes/no slider, so you can reset them all to No every night and click each one over to Yes when it's done.

Hopefully it might work. Just wondering which other parenting devices might be useful now....

Yes! I've been saying this for a while about my dad.

Can't get out of bed or out of the house at a reasonable hour, everything has to be on his terms, he is always right, constantly in the way, moans non-stop, the world revolves around him etc etc.

He thinks he's helping when he comes over but feels like instead of looking after two kids it's three 🙈

Mine doesn't listen to a word you say unless it's about her.
Deliberately sabotages stuff she isn't keen on.
Everything is someone else's fault.
Eats crap all day,
so yeah lots of teen behaviours.

Pick your battles, know the triggers and if all else fails, use bribery (and ice cream).

FIL embracing his inner teenager was great, until he became ill and housebound. I loved him leaving dirty dishes out, playing music everyone else hated and going to bed late. It felt like a mark of independence after decades of the occupants being ruled by the demands of the house and its matriarch. Now it feels as if he's regressed even further, and looks to us expectantly as 'parents' to sort out things he wants to happen, without being at all explicit about details. We can work that out. It's our job, apparently.