Report Mum to DVLA, now what happens?

[NellyTheCake]

I've had concerns about mum's driving for a few months after seeing some scraps appearing on her car. She said someone crashed into her when she was parked.
I asked her GP to assess her, which they did about a month ago and said she was ok to drive for now but told her she needed to stop if she didn't feel safe.

I visited her this weekend and she told me her car had broken down in the supermarket car park. She was given a cup of tea while some staff helped move it out of the way. The local garage came and looked at it.
All seems ok with this story except that she told me exactly the same story a couple of weeks ago, except that time there was no cup of tea. But she is adamant that the same thing happened twice.

Then I looked at her car. There is extensive damage to the front, both on the driver and passenger side. She's obviously crashed it at least once. But she is insisting that the car is faulty and needs to go to the garage. She hasn't said anything about the damage and I don't want to mention it as our relationship is fragile at the best of times.

So I reported her. And I spoke to her GP and told them what I'd found.
I can't find anyone at the supermarket who can tell me what happened there.

The car is sitting on mum's driveway. I've no idea how she managed to drive it home because of the damage.

The DVLA say they contact the driver and the GP but won't tell me anything.
Does anyone know how long this will take? Do they just write a letter?
My concern is that she could be done for leaving the scene of an accident. But atm mum seems to be in denial that anything has happened to the car other than it breaking down.

Its pretty difficult to get this sorted when the elderly person lies about what has happened. They are scared the car will be taken away from them and I completely understand this. If someone told me that I could no longer drive I would be stuffed. There is no public transport around here, no Ubers and taxis are few and far between and only want to do airport runs as opposed to taking someone to the shops!

However - she is clearly a danger to herself and the other road users. I found my elderly Mum in particular had no issue in outright lying about what had happened or what she was doing causing huge issues to me the only sibling who is based the in the UK. My sister used to say we need to understand WHY she is doing these things! Fine for her as once she had spouted out her view she put the phone down leaving it all to me!

It could be that the DVLA do write to her but I suspect without any firm proof she will be asked to self assess herself and we all know where that leads! I guess it stops people reporting others to make myschief. She might not even tell you she has had a letter!

My dad was an absolute menace on the roads - impaired eyesight, unable to judge things properly and drove way too fast - but was stubborn, refused to admit any problem and lied on his self-certification.

Taking the keys away is one option. (Even if you have to hide them and deny all knowledge.)

I hear this word 'stubborn' a lot - as though its a strength. My DH does this with his own DF who is pushing 90 and living on his own.

I am going to use another few words - stupid, reckless and lying to get their own way. I was very very firm with my Mum and she was somewhat scared of me so she did tone down what she was doing in the end. She didnt want to go into a care home. I made it very clear that if she did daft things she wasnt safe and a care home would be the best place to manage her needs.

A lot of elderly people do not think of others. Just what they want to do. They will pile on the pressure to often daughters and guilt trip them into owning and managing their lives whilst boasting to everyone else that they manage just fine on their own. Not all parents of course. But an increasingly large % are going that way. Some of it will be the bastard illnesses that overtake them. Dementia is the worst for me. Its truly horrible to see and I cannot imagine what the elderly person is feeling.

Sorry - rant over!

In 2 years, my mum has gone from being quite active and busy, to practically being house bound. She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia, just her physical health has declined.

She isn't lying about what happened with the car. She's just not saying anything about the damage.
I'm her only living relative and I don't live very close to her. But I've discussed this with someone who knows her and we think the car has broken down, then someone has got it started again for her and on the drive home she's been so agitated and upset that she's crashed into something.

What's in doubt is whether she has realised that she's crashed. The impact obviously wasn't enough to trigger the air bag, but it's left a dent in the car and other damage.

She was angry that the car broke down again so she won't drive it until the garage look at it. And they will have to tell her that it's probably a write off!

I'm just concerned that the DVLA will let her self certify or they'll report her for dangerous driving and she could be charged.

I was just hoping other people have reported family members to the DVLA and they could tell me what happened after that.

I'm afraid if the GP doesn't report a condition that means she must give up driving she will probably be allowed to self certify. That's what happened with FIL. He didn't have the "right" conditions so could carry on even though his ability to judge speed and distance was gone. In the end he wrote his car off in an accident that fortunately didn't involve anyone else but did close a road for an hour and the police persuaded him by saying if he gave up his licence they wouldn't prosecuted driving without due care and attention.
He told everyone it was his first accident even though we knew that wasn't true, though the others had been minor.

Take the keys away OP and deny all knowledge.

If she can crash to that extent of not noticing then how will she notice a toddler on the path. Or even if she hits one.

She obviously cannot be safe on the roads and as hard as that is for her, she shouldn't be on the road at the expense of other drivers and pedestrians.

Hopefully the car is written off which will save you from doing this.

Sit down with her plan and show her local public transport. But she absolutely shouldn't be on the road.

Take the keys and tell her the garage will be in touch? ( can you move the car out of her sight?)
Maybe find someone to take her out a couple of days a week? ( a carer perhaps but don’t call them that!)

How's her eyesight? hearing? If she's that confused about what's happened surely you must be concerned about dementia?

Unfortunately GPs can't/won't take responsibility for deciding whether someone can drive or not - it's just not in their scope. They can tell the DVLA if someone has a condition that the DVLA should be notified of (long list on DVLA website) then it's up to the DVLA.

Maybe the garage will write her car off and you can convince her to not get another but put the car money towards taxis?

Have you tried phoning the police to see if anyone has reported a hit & run ?

They may be able to piece it together.

She wants the garage to look at the car.

Get them to come and pick it up.

Hopefully they will confirm it won’t be drivable again.

Persuade her not to buy another one, and show her other options - taxis, bus in her area. My mum uses a charity which runs a bus service which will take you to locations within the council area, wait for you and bring you home again, all for a very small yearly subscription.

Don't expect much.

My neighbour had advanced cancer, he couldn't move his head/neck, could barely see, was on a pretty strong cocktail of drugs and could barely move his legs. We reported him after he nearly ran me down one morning while I was walking to my bus stop, he didn't even recognise that it was me! The DVLA did nothing

My Mum told me of conversations she'd had with two different banks regarding money she paid in for my 2 daughters. Word for word the same conversation in each bank. I eventually had to go with her to the banks sort out issues. She was diagnosed with dementia not long after. It is very hard xx

I had issues with my mum. (In Australia). Despite having very clear legislation here, her GP said “What do you want me to do here???” Her mechanic said “Her car has had more hits than the Beatles!”. She ran into poles, parked cars, oncoming traffic, you name it. Absolutely terrifying. Turns out she had a brain tumour and cataracts. I ended up taking both sets of her keys back to Europe with me.

What did the GP base their assessment on? I suspect she may be suffering form a bit of mental impairment, so while not 'dementia' it is possible this iis the underlying cause. Did they do the memory test?

It’s worth telling them that if they kill someone that is potentially death by dangerous driving, and that carries a custodial sentence. Unfortunately there are multiple cases every year of elderly people who spend the rest of their days in prison because of this. A jury will have no sympathy if someone kills a child.

When the GP expressed surprise that Mum (dementia), was still driving, we took her car '"to get it MOT'd". In reality it was parked at a relatives house. Then we spun it out with "the garage are very busy and haven't looked at it yet". Then "oh dear it needs some special parts and they're having difficulty getting them". And so on. Eventually she acknowledged driving was difficult now due to all the roadworks and agreed to sell the car. We did that quickly before she could change her mind.

Felt bad but while she was driving (very erratically), we lived in fear thar she would cause a fatal accident.

*that

Thanks for everyone's input.
Looks like the DVLA won't be much use.

To answer some questions/comments.

She has a health condition that is notifiable if it meets certain conditions. I believe it has, the GP didn't. But I've told the DVLA now.

GP did a short test (not sure what) and found her cognitive function was low but not low enough to stop her driving.

I can't take the keys away or hide them because I live at the other end of the country and the garage will need the keys to take it away.

There's no local public transport and no charities that offer transport.
She has been using taxis more frequently but can't seem to understand that the cost of the car now outweighs the cost of the taxi.
A friend usually takes her shopping once a week cos mum struggles to walk round the supermarket.

I think her friend must've been away and that's why mum took herself.

I've tried talking to her about the car in the past and she has agreed that perhaps she shouldn't drive. But then conveniently forgets that when she wants to go out.

She can't see the car from the house so I think she will forget about it for now. I'll be very surprised if she even remembers to call the garage. It's been over a week and she hasn't done anything.
She was very clear that she wouldn't drive it until they had stopped it breaking down.

I have to tread carefully with what I do and say. She believes I intefere too much and will often do the opposite of what I suggest.

I reported my dad to the DVLA, about six weeks later the GP invited him for an assessment and he dutifully went. Unfortunately she assessed him as fit to drive, utter madness in my opinion but I have done all I can I can't rereport him.

You've done the right thing, OP. Hopefully the DVLA may ask her GP to confirm whether or not she's safe to drive and/or she may be invited for a driving assessment.

I appreciate that it may not be possible to take the keys - but might it be possible to disconnect the battery so the car won't start? And maybe you could contact the garage and explain the situation? Might they be open to you paying for their assessment that "the car can't be fixed"?

Good luck with it. I know how grim this is. You must be beside yourself. But you have done the right thing. x

Lexy70
That's so frustrating.

The GP wanted to see mum again for another assessment. I said no, not if you're just going to do the same as you did a few weeks ago.

They have the whole story plus photos of the car so they've gone away to decide how to handle it. Esp as mum doesn't know I've seen the car or that I've spoken to the GP.

I'm trying to find which garage she uses to see what they can do to help. Like tell her it's a write off.

In my experience, very little. We reported a relative's dementia diagnosis to DVLA (with his consent). Nothing happened. We chased up after a few weeks - were told it was in the system. He surrendered his licence voluntarily a few months later. To my knowledge, no contact ever came from DVLA.

No one takes any responsibility for this. FIL diagnosed with mixed dementia becoming increasingly forgetful. We asked the doctor about driving, he said that FIL was not allowed to drive until he had been assessed. We told FIL not to drive, he still drove against this advice.

We tried to arrange the assessment for him - showed him the route, did a trial run etc. He got lost and had to be rescued. We took the car away from him. We asked the police what would happen if he continued to drive - nothing - fined £1,000 if in an accident I think it was. Couldn't care less.

So we've let his insurance and his driving licence lapse as he cannot action anything on line himself. We said if he could organise everything himself he could go for the assessment and get his car back but we would not be doing it for him. To have someone who is a danger to themselves and others driving around is not something as a family we wanted on our conscience.

He now has a bus pass and walks most places. Taxis are like some evil thing for pensioners.

I've contacted mum's garage and made them aware of the situation. They know mum quite well as she's been taking her car to them for years. So did my dad.

So far they've heard nothing from mum. But now know to handle things carefully if she gets in touch.

I'm fairly certain she won't use the car because she thinks it's not working properly. And is therefore useless.

She did the same with her mobile, her laptop and her watch. If she can't work it then it must be faulty. It's never user error!

It's shocking to hear the stories of people being assessed as fit to drive when they clearly shouldn't.

Have you tried contacting the local community police team? They would know if something like a hit and run had happened, or if the car had triggered ANPR somewhere or appeared on CCTV. Might help piece together what happened and may also be able to have a quiet word or more advice about stopping her driving.