Giving up POA [Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

[Username9898]

Has anyone ever given up power of attorney and can say what happened to the person concerned as a result?
TLDR:
I have POA over a close relative with dementia - they were horrible growing up, abusive and neglectful and I have significant mental health issues as a result. We have no relationship now, I haven’t seen or spoken them in 2+ years and basically just make sure the bills are paid. They’re currently in a care home on a temporary ‘rehab’ stay, following a hospital admission. Prior to this they had carers visiting at home.
I had a phone call today from the NHS asking me about what will happen once this placement and its funding end and what have I considered. I realised during this call that I think I’m incapable of acting in their best interests. I basically have a panic attack everytime a letter arrives for them, never mind the stress of having to sort out something like this.
So, what happens if I revoke my POA and just step right away from it all? It seems like this is a good time to do it - they’re already ‘safe’ and currently well cared for. Has anyone experienced something similar?
Please don’t pile on about what a terrible person I am for wanting to step away. This has been my own internal narrative for my entire life - that if I was ‘better’ in some way, they would have been ‘ok’. I’m finally getting over this but realistically I’m still tied to them because of the POA and I just can’t cope with that link anymore.

@Username9898 firstly you are absolutely NOT a terrible person you are a realist and being honest. There are a few threads on elderly parents with some of us discussing stepping back from LPA responsibilities. I think this is the link for the government information https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/end
I am pondering my situation at the minute, bit complicated as it relates to my mother in particular who is narcissistic and getting worse with age. Good luck - I repeat this often, although rarely take my own advice…..’put your own oxygen mask on first’

Obviously this should have said ‘giving up POA’ as the thread title. @mumsnet please can you edit the title?

You need to “report” your post using the Report button

You are definitely not terrible and it sounds as though some Counselling might help? I doubt anything you did growing up would have improved the situation. My own "D"M is nasty. Always has been, always will be. Nothing I ever do will be good enough for her so I reduced contact a long time ago.

Do you know who called you @Username9898? If you have their number could you call them back and make it plain that you will not be taking in any Care or arranging any Carers for them? They should be well used to this kind of conversation, it's not uncommon.

I work in this area.
if you step away it can take months (6-12 usually) for the local authority to put in place proxy powers. They’ll only do this if there is some significant risk and, in Scotland at least, will only go for financial powers if there are significant assets.
obviously if you are mentally and physically done and cannot do this anymore without severe impact on your own health, you need to stop. And services will work things out one way or another. However you might be really close to getting your family member into long term care . If that’s the case then with POA you can set up all the needful things that will otherwise drag on or be left undone. Do talk to the SW be honest about your stress levels and that you are thinking of stepping away, and talk through the situation with them.

In case you’re wondering, I did it for you. Or maybe we both did?

Hi OP when you renounce the LPA role you need to inform the Office of the Public Guardian and the Donor. It would also be very sensible to inform (1) the care home (2) social services (3 DWP re state pension and AA.
The LA (if England or Wales) can apply for Appointeeship to take over receipt of DWP income and if there are savings and/or a property they can apply to the Court of Protection for the LA to be appointed deputy.
If the estate is too complicated for the LA to deal with the LA will ask the court of protection to appoint a Panel Deputy (specialist solicitor from the OPG panel)

Thanks everyone! Sorry for the late response, I’ve been reading everything and thinking.

I think giving up is the right choice and I will get in touch with Office of the Public Guardian to get that done. I will let her social worker know too. This seems like the right time to do it - I don’t think that she should be returning he with carers, she should be in a care home at this point. Social services have, I think, been dragging their feet over this for a while because I’m organising things. I think that it will be more straightforward for them to manage her in a care home rather than her own home. Her finances aren’t particularly complicated - the only income she has is PIP and some small private pensions Oh and her state pension kicked in this year too. Slight issue in that we jointly own the house she lives in but I am very willing to sell it!

I assume I should also contact the companies I deal with (electricity, phone etc) to let them know that I no longer hold POA and to stop contacting me.

@Username9898 i was just wondering which power of attorney you have, financial or health? I’m curious as to what basis the hospital have approached you on? Having read your post, I guess the bigger point is that you don’t want to be involved however for my own understanding I was wondering if the hospital have approached because you are a relative (POA makes no odds, they could do this anyway), or because they want to know about funding or because you have POA for health?

also, and most importantly, I’m sorry for your situation. It sounds like you have already invested a lot of time and emotion here above and beyond what could have been expected. Don’t feel bad. Focus on what you have already done.

Get some legal advice quick! You can’t sell her part of the house without Poa.

Honestly if everyone including your relative and SWS agrees she should remain in care, it would be much more straightforward if you kept Poa until she was permanently placed, direct debits set up, agreements made about the house. Without legal powers you’ll be waiting for all that to get worked out by new decision makers.
of course if you can’t, you can’t. But you’re not quite there in terms of her being permanently in care, if that’s what you are waiting for.
by all means if she goes home and you can’t do it any more, tell everyone involved and officially step back. But it sounds like you are almost done with the hardest part.

This is a really good point. Otherwise sounds very sensible. But if you have no particular desire to sell it quickly then it makes no odds to you if you just wait til the LA get their gears in motion and take on appointeeship.