What to do with Mum

[TheTwinklyLemur]

I am an only child, my DM has been in hospital for two months, she is now able to go home with carers going in four times a day. This will be free for six weeks then we need to decide what she needs and pay for it. She has a gardener who is actually pretty useless apart from doing the occasional mowing and hedge cutting. I think she should have a cleaner, as she doesn't seem to be managing that very well. While she has been hospitalised I have also found out some other stuff that shows she hasn't been managing as well as I thought she was. For example, I have found recent post addressed to my Dad, like bills and bank statements. He died four years ago. This worries me that she hasn't done probate properly. I did talk to her about it when my Dad passed away, but she thought that because he had a simple Will that she didn't need to use a Solicitor. It was during Covid lockdown when Solicitors weren't accessible. So I think she might have just left things. I thought she had sorted everything out, but now I'm not sure. It worries me that she might not have done Probate and it is going to cause a problem in the future. I also wonder how long she is going to be able to live on her own, even with carers. It would make sense for me to live with her, but we have very different lifestyles. I need to get up, shower and have breakfast and get out to work early every morning, whereas she doesn't get up until much later (not sure when this will be when she gets carers). I don't get home until around 6 in the evening, whereas she likes her tea at 5. I am worried about disrupting her routine. We also like different music, television programmes, etc. although we do like some of the same things. I know I'm jumping ahead, but this may happen not very far in the future. Sorry about the long post. There are a few things I need advice on and I don't know where to start, feeling overwhelmed.

I think firstly you need to consider whether she will need to continue having carers when the paid for care package ends ? If this is a possibility , does she have savings to pay for it ? If she has savings over £23250 then she will need to pay for care, so perhaps look into that to see where she stands.
Do you have power of attorney ? It might be a good idea to look into this so that if she becomes unable to manage finances you can sort things.
If she has had care difficulties/ difficulties managing personal care for at least six months then she would likely qualify for a disability benefit if she does not already get one. So you may want to get the ball rolling on this - Age Uk often have people who can help with the form ( Attendance Allowance ) if you need help. This money can help towards paying for care.
See what care agencies can offer, you may find one who will do some personal care for your mum and some cleaning, heating up meals etc. maybe try to source easy ready meals or ones that can be purchased in bulk and frozen.
If an OT assessment hasn't already been done then arrange this through your council. There is loads of equipment available to help older people stay as independent as possible. If she is prone to or at risk of falls look at a lifeline alarm or similar.

Make sure she gets the benefits she's entitled to. Attendance allowance is hundreds a month and can be used to pay for whatever she needs eg a cleaner, taxis, hot food delivered etc.

Miley gives some very good advice.

I'd try to prioritise the POA if she's willing to sign. I'd suggest applying for both financial and health.

My DM is quite happy with Wiltshire Farm Foods, other older relatives prefer Oakhouse Foods. Does she have a freezer where she can store a week's worth of frozen meals.

As for your DF, you can check if Probate was applied for heree*. Do you have a copy of his Death Certificate? Most Councils run a "Tell us once" type service where you take the Death Certificate and they let all of the other agencies know that they've died.

I would also let your DM's energy suppliers know that she's a vulnerable customer due to needing carers. They will prioritise getting her power back on if it ever fails.

And yes, I think a cleaner sounds like a really good idea.

Not sure why you want to move in though? Is it something that you really want to do or are you feeling obliged?