Stubborn grandparents and falls!

[Cardinalita90]

My grandad has mild dementia and balance issues which means he's started to have falls more frequently in the house. He's got every mobility aid going and the support from social services has been fantastic, but when he falls he won't allow my 85 year old nana to get help from family/neighbours/others due to pride.

My grandad is a big guy whereas my nana would blow over in a strong breeze so it's impossible for her to get him back up. We've told her until we're blue in the face that she needs to ignore his protests and call for the help needed to get him back up but she won't. It's a generational thing I think of the husband having final say.

What can we do to help? As I say they have every adjustment and aid possible, and lovely neighbours who have offered in the past to help but I'm scared my nana is going to get injured!

Tell him he needs to go in a home, unless he starts accepting help!

Round here there is a service called Swifts and Night Owls. It's an organisation who can help if someone falls and doesn't need medical attention, just someone to lift them to a safe place.
There might be someone near to your parents. You'll need to call your local council to find out - and then make sure your mum uses it. If your dad protests, ask him how long he's happy to be on the floor for if no-one's around to help.
The other good thing about it is that there will then be evidence to support carers etc.

How will he manage when he pulls her over and she breaks her wrist or god forbid her hip?

If he does pull her over can she get herself up?

how Is she Helping him? Do you know if they’ve been taught how to get yourself up using a chair?

Time for tough love, sorry. Your granny won't be able to help him. Are the in warden assisted / residential care?

Appeal to macho pride?
Emergency alarm button - "youre paying for it precisely because Granny shouldn't need to be hauling you up" or rather "wr're buying this emergency call alert button for granny".

This is going to sound harsh and cold, but I say this from experience.

There is nothing you can do, that you haven't already tried / put in place. Your grandparents are adults and therefore have the legal freedom to do as they wish, and that includes making poor decisions. You know and I know they are making life more difficult for themselves than it need be.

And that's just the way it is. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's like watching a slow motion car crash when you know exactly what is going to happen and you can't do anything to prevent it.

All you can do is to keep reminding them to ask for help. keep up the social contact - this is so important. If you feel able - explore some local possibilities - groups such as Aged UK run groups which can help and support. My Dad didn't feel such groups would be of any use to him and my Mum but he still goes to a couple as a volunteer supporter, 4 yrs after my mum went into a home and 18 months after she died. They both liked the singing group in particular - an afternoon with singing, tea and chat. Very unthreatening but a great way for them to see how a bit of input into the home can make life that bit better.

It's difficult - I get it. And sometimes you have to step a mental step back because they are being soooo stubborn. This is fine to do - to preserve your sanity and the longer term relationship.

Excellent response from @DPotter

You could try telling him about my aunt's elderly neighbours.

The husband was having regular falls but didn't want any help or carers. One night he fell on top of his wife, who seems to have been trying to help him balance. His wife died from the injuries caused by him falling on her.