DM lying to carers

[Zoomy121]

DM (91) had a fall, nothing broken but has come out of hospital incontinent and confused, for years we've pleaded with her to go into a home and still she refuses to even discuss it.
We've arranged carers to visit multiple times a day and as she'd refused any appointments we'd made with anything medical the GP, PN etc. are now descending on her. The problem is now everything is set up (personal alarm, key safe, food deliveries) she tells the carers she wants to go into a nursing home and I refuse to listen to her and she's lonely and it's my fault.
Even when she was brought back by hospital transport she told me no nursing home. Do we just book her in and take her or let the new regime settle.

she tells the carers she wants to go into a nursing home and I refuse to listen to her and she's lonely and it's my fault.

’Hi mum several carers have let me know that you want to go into a nursing home, so we have organised that… oh? You don’t want that? Too late, it’s organised as that’s what you told several carers you wanted.’

I'm reading the carers reports and it's the same story unless family brings it up then it's denied. Yes we should just take control of the situation but it's only been 4 days! I've requested a call with a home nearby to start the process as she will have to go into care eventually. The costs of carers and upkeep of the house will outweigh the cost of the care home at this rate.

Such a difficult situation for you all.

Is the GO aware of her incontinence and confusion? Has a UTI been ruled out?

Is she getting Attendance Allowance and is she able to apply for Pension Credit. Both of these will help to pay for the Carers.

If she has capacity, you can't make her go into a Care Home but you can ask her if she's like to try it for a couple of weeks to "have a nice little break". Lots of cars homes will offer a respite place. The only problem is then she's likely to lose her carers if she decides to come back out

That sounds vindictive

*GP

It's a big step admitting that you need help and to move into a care home. Many elderly people don't want to give up their home and their last bit of independence.

Have a chat with her carers. Don't feel awkward about your mum 'telling tales', carers have seen it all before! See what they think and if they think she'd be better off in a care home, why not ask your mum if she'd like to try a care home for a couple of weeks? Care homes offer respite care and more often than not after a couple of weeks the elderly person doesn't want to go home.

Maybe she doesn't want to admit her frailty to family. My MiL was convinced that she still did all the cooking and cleaning even though she was sat in her chair staring into space ( late Alzheimer's,) all day unless she was sleeping or on the toilet.