Going away for weekend & terrified

[hellodolly1]

Hi, please can someone help with this awful fear I am having ?!
My DF is 90 and lives close to me living completely independently because he won't go into assisted-living and has carers once day to do food . Cleaner once week .
I have a weekend all planned in close country abroad with DH , but DF has come down with a cold , usually things like this go to his chest and he has been septic twice. GP says chest fine but given him antibiotics if he feels worse. Carer doing dinners tomorrow & Friday plus he's got cleaner coming in . No one Saturday though friend is on call if he's worried & he's got a care link on arm .
I have asked if he would get a carer for Saturday as well, but he said he doesn't want anyone else coming in. I've got no family close by that would be able to deal with him if something happened. I'm just terrified of going and something happening ... but I really need a break !
Don't really know what I'm asking apart from reassurance. I suppose that I'm doing the right thing by going . It is only a bad cold ...

He will probably be OK. But I appreciate it's a risk.

Could the cleaner pop in on Saturday having "forgotten something"? Obviously you would pay her for this visit.

Phone him on Saturday a few times and see how he is.

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by going. You deserve a break too. Your dad has said he doesn't want anyone on Saturday and, while it may not be the best decision, he is still allowed to have a say in who visits / cares for him, wise or not. Take him at his word and go on your trip and enjoy the break. Try not to worry, he will very likely, be perfectly ok at home.

I'm going to say as gently as I can - please go. Your df could die tonight before the cleaners go in, he could die on Saturday, he could get over this bad chest and live another ten years. You can't, and shouldn't, stop living your life. It sounds as if he's really well set up.

Aw OP it's so hard isn't it. But you are doing the right thing in going away - you need a break.
I know he's 90 and elderly/infirm but he is still able to make decisions for himself and has said he doesn't want anyone in on Saturday so you should respect that - hard as that may be!
If you are really worried - perhaps the friend who is on call could just 'be passing by' on Saturday and drop in or at least give him a call. It sounds like you have everything in place though OP so you should be able to go away with a clear conscience.
Fwiw we've been in a very similar position with my elderly Dad (several times!) and we almost cancelled a holiday 12 months ago as he wasn't well at the time but like you we had everything in place for him. He was fine and yep, he's still going strong!
Hope you have a fab time!

Thanks for replies , I really appreciate it and I know I sound dramatic but as you all will know it's just such a worry. I've had a chat with friends & kindly they have said they will offer afternoon tea or something for dinner.
It's just 3 nights .
@selldonaterecycle this is my concern as we have bigger holiday coming up in Sept. There's so many more things that could be put in place but he refuses all but minimum. Is your dad on his own ?

Yes he is on his own. Has been for over ten years since my Mum died. It's so nerve wracking at times and there is a real temptation to not book things or go out of the country 'just in case'. However, we have things in place for him and this is all his choice. He wants to live independently and he is responsible for himself, he is late 80s. I call my Dad and he visits frequently and I arrange family lunches etc several times over the year and he has a care package in place similar sounding to your Dad actually.

I have DCs and DH and DGCs so have a lot going on in my life, as I'm sure you have too. Also as I'm in my 50s I can't put my life on hold for my Dad. I've had significant illness myself over the past few years so my time and life is precious too and I don't want to waste a minute!

If something happens to my Dad when I'm at home, with him or on holiday then there's not much I can do about it. I don't want to sound uncaring (far from the truth tbh!) He knows we love him and would do anything for him BUT he knows we have a life and as he is such a wonderful and caring parent to me, I know that he values my life before his own.

Book the holiday OP. Enjoy YOUR life. Things are in place for your Dad and remember that none of us can last forever. Sending big hugs x

Go. You can't be there 24/7, so don't even try. You have to live a good life of your own.

And also, be aware that when the time does come, it is not unknown for patients to die when all friends and family are out of the room.....almost as if they know, and are waiting for time alone. This is what so many of us want for ourselves, so don't feel you have to be ever-present.