Care of MIL

[WonderingOneOfAll]

Husband has on - off relationship with his mother (no contact for a few years)
She is early stage Dementia (lives at her home)
Husband “cares for her “: visits her and takes her to day out for a gain.

Is his mother’s care a family issue or is it his personal responsibility?

Who is her NOK, does she have other children, does she have POA and a will in place?

Neither.

He can choose to take on responsibility if he wants.

So can other members of her wider family.

If no-one does she will need to either pay for help or be assessed by SS

Husband “cares for her “: visits her and takes her to day out for a gain

What do you mean by "for a gain" OP?

Daughter 10,000 miles away

Yes Will in place and POA.

DH. claims he should not loose on inheritance so he cares for her.

How disgraceful.

What he inherits is up to her if she has written a will, or up to the intestacy laws if she hasn't. How much time he spends with her will have no impact on his inheritance unless it means she favours him in her will.

If she has a diagnosis of dementia then if she changes her will now there is a risk it will be challenged on the grounds she doesn't have capacity to make important financial decisions at this stage.

Who has LPOA?

When MIL loses capacity to make decisions, they will need to step up and start making decisions that are in her best interests (not theirs). If it’s your DH and he doesn’t want to do it then he needs to formally relinquish that responsibility now.

I'm not sure how he thinks this works. Has he got her to change her will? Is he intending getting her to change her will?
If she has a will, does he know what it says? Is he trying to advantage himself at cost to his sibling?

Yes he feels he worse off now in comparison to his sibling.
Sibling has already received something from mother (MIL).
Expect her to amend her will so he gains (all unsaid ).🙄

Does he realise she can't change her Will? Now she has dementia it would easily be contested probably revert back to the old one. What's done is done, there's no point trying to rewrite the past.

If his mother ends up needing care in a residential care home, there may not be anything left to inherit. If she owns her own home and has over £23250.00 she will need to self fund her placement. Until that time, unless he decides he is going to become her full time carer, she will also need to fund carers going in to assist once she is no longer able to manage alone. Dementia will deteriorate and get worse.

Sadly, that may not work. There always comes a point at which car is too much for one person or even one family, and care homes area stronomically expensive.

I think she should give her money away or spend it all. How fucking shallow and grabby is he? I wouldn't want to be married to that horrible man.

Does the daughter live on the space station?

10,000 miles being 20 hours flying time - av 500 mph…

This. It's as simple as this.

Oh, she can't change her will once she's had a dementia diagnosis, obviously. And if your dh is already a beneficiary of the will then that won't change, whether he cares for her or not.

London to Sydney is 10500 miles (approximately 22 hours flight)

It’s perfectly ok for family to care to protect an inheritance - standard practice for centuries. Everyone benefits.

But with dementia, you’ll need a care home at £2k a week at some point. Family can’t do it. Don’t bank on your inheritance, cos MIL may well hoover the lot.

Not true. She can change her will if she has testamentary capacity

me and my mum took care of my dad at home right until the end. but we did it because we love him, not to protect any inheritance.

I am not sure money alone will be motivation enough to get you through caring for someone with dementia OP. it becomes much more than visiting and daytrips