No POA for adult children - what to do now?

[Lavenderwhite]

DM has dementia, cared for 24/7 by DF. DF is largely healthy and early 70s. DF has POA for DM. However, myself and DB do not have POA for DM - DF had assured us POA was in place, but recently looking into it further realised it was just for him and not for us. We have tried to get POA for us, but DM has been assessed as not having capacity. So it seems our choices are to hope DF outlives DM, apply for deputy ship over DM is DF dies first, or apply for deputy ship now.

We wil speak to a solicitor about this, but does anyone have any advice? My instinct is to apply for deputyship now, rather than have the stress if DF passes first. However I know there is quite a lot of admin involved in administering a deputy ship which DF doesn’t currently need to do under his POA (presumably DF could be deputy for now, with myself and DB in reserve if he died first?).

If DF is coping well, it's best and easiest for him to continue, he knows more about her affairs. So check that deputyship won't terminate the PoA.

Why do you need POA if your father is her main carer and in pretty good health?

If you had POA you’d have completed and signed all the paperwork and had it witnessed, and there’s two versions - health & financial, why did you think you had this in place if you’d completed no paperwork?

If your DF is in good health why do you feel you need this now? Does he want you to have it to give him some support? If he has POA for your mum which does he have?

I think you are very reasonable to want this sorted, and your DF should be on board with this - but you could put it to him as 'what if you had an accident and had to go to hospital?'- ie the sort of thing that can happen to anyone
deputyship, as far as I know, is very lengthy to apply for
maybe consult Age UK?

Thanks all. DF has both POA for DM, so we are fine for now. My concern from reading threads on here is that no one has POA if something happens to DF - I’ve read that getting deputyship is complex and time consuming, so if he dies first, DB and I would have a period of 6-12 months while waiting for deputyship to be approved and may struggle to pay for her care/make decisions re care home etc in this time?

DPs are very reluctant to accept any outside care currently, but if DF were to pass first, DM would require full time carers/a care home, so a lot of health and financial decisions would suddenly need to be made in a short space of time.

DF is in good health now, but typically men in our family haven’t lived past mid 70s, so there is every chance that DM may outlive DF really.

@Changingplace yes I realise now I should have known we didn’t have POA - I hadn’t really looked into the process until relatively recently, lesson learned.

DF is managing DMs affairs fine for now and doesn’t currently need support from us. This is more about trying to future proof it as I am worried about what will happen if he passes first.

I think I would approach your DF and as her POA, ask him what he thinks would be in her best interests if for any reason he can't make decisions (having an operation etc) Would she want decisions made by her GP, or by you? I would definitely be leaning towards applying for deputyship.

Becoming a deputy is an involved process, requiring annual fees and annual submissions, I would not recommend it unless it's likely to be needed. I would get the poa in place for your df naming you for now and worry about your mum should your father start to struggle. In emergency you can act without one anyway and it didn't take that long to get the right expensive paperwork in place once required

The court is unlikely to grant a deputy order where a LPA (PA) is in place and functioning properly.
If your father wanted to disclaim - no suggestion in your OP that he does - you could apply and cite urgency if the circumstances justified this eg he was unwell.
As PP suggests your best approach is to get your father to donate a LPA to you & sibling in case he needs help.