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Elderly parents

I am so lonely. Mum with Alzheimers, Dad refuses to believe in it.

2 replies

Throwawayagain1234 · 13/08/2024 19:57

Anyone around to chat? My mum has had Alzheimers for quite a while (won't ever know how long as my father has been very good at covering up for her) diagnosed officially over a year ago. In my estimation she is heading into the third phase as she is no longer sleeping and her mobility is pretty compromised. My dad is fighting the reality of this every step of the way, has renewed her driving licence (don't worry, there is NO WAY she can get hold of car keys and even if she could it would be beyond her to put them in the car let alone ignition). But he thinks she will get better, that if she stops/starts a certain medication or just tries harder she will be back to herself again.

I've given up work, travel back and forth a significant distance monthly to try and help but he is so closed off it is literally hurting me. I feel like I'm carrying an ostrich egg of sadness on the front of my chest and due to divorce and small towns and not being here half the time I don't have anyone to talk to at all. I have three sons, two still at home and pets and all the palaver that involves to go to see them and I'm exhausted and unloved and so damn lonely I feel like I might explode with the grief and stress of the situation.

Not to drip feed there are at least live in carers (could get rid of them tomorrow of course as my dad feels they could look after the house/cleaning/food without but is persuaded to keep them on) one of whom is a godsend and keeps me up to date when I am home although it's normally problems we need to solve.

Yours an only child on the edge.

OP posts:
Frites · 13/08/2024 22:44

Oh I’m so sorry. It’s all so difficult isn’t it? and coping with a divorce and being a single parent too. It must be really hard dealing with one parent in denial and one with dementia but thank goodness they have live in carers who keep you up to date. Can you take time just to do something for you? One day/ afternoon every so often where you think of no one but yourself? Maybe some sort of activity? Or perhaps a carers get together. where you live Dementia is a terribly lonely business for the person and for their family , its like a silent pandemic isn’t it ? affecting so many people .Sending you very best wishes .

Throwawayagain1234 · 13/08/2024 23:17

Thank you for responding, it means a lot for one person to have heard me.

It is lonely and it is rubbish and yet also incredible how many other people are affected. I'm quite good at finding things to do that are nice, just absolutely rubbish at not thinking about my little family all the time! Must try and remember to focus on the treats when I have them Smile

I live pretty rurally and the only carers get together people bring their loved ones too and it's just not for me, at the moment anyway. Trying to persuade my dad to get in contact with the nurses (oh gosh, Admiral nurses? M-something nurses? I'm as bad as them some days Grin ) for support at the other end.

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