Need to vent

[username44416]

I'm currently staying with my mum who has Alzheimer's and dementia. I've been here since January when I visited her at Christmas and found her in quite a bad way.

She currently ranting and raving at me, says she wants me to leave as I don't do anything. I do the cleaning, shopping, admin, cooking, medical appointments and handle anything that comes up.

She doesn't like me sitting around and has told me she wants me out because I'm lazy. I don't know what to do. I'm fed up with her shouting at me.

You just agree
it isnt her but the dementia speaking
arguing causes further confusion for her
just nod and agree

I think the only thing you can realistically do is source alternative care sadly.

If she self-funding?

Has she had any kind of social care assessment?

She's had a needs assessment but we decided that between us (myself and my siblings), we could sort something out.

She's fed up because I spend a lot of time online. She lives in a rural area and there isn't much for me to do. I must admit that when I have down time, I'm online a lot.

She doesn't like to see me sitting around. She's just kicked me out of the bedroom and hoovered it three times screaming at me about filth.

I suppose I should go really. She was suicidal and had lost a lot of weight so I was staying because of that but she seems better.

It might be time to contact the SW and the siblings and have a rethink.

She would be self funding. She's not incapacitated and is still independent in many ways. The main concern was her losing so much weight as she can't shop or cook.

Join Carents Lounge on facebook.

Thank you. I currently can't get on Facebook as her WIFI blocks all social media, which is a massive pain.

Has her weight loss stabalised now then? Does she have a healthy BMI? If so, i'd be tempted to arrange a weekly rolling food shop delivered together with wiltshare farm foods meals and then take a step back. Age UK can provide weekly shoppers too (you have to pay them of course).

Your mother has alzheimers AND dementia but has been able to set up her wifi to block any social media? I didn't even know you could do that.

My mum was a bit like that, moaning about me being on my laptop. it was ok for her to look at a TV screen all evening but it wasn't ok for me to look at a laptop screen - people are odd.

No, she didn't set it up. It was set to safeguarding automatically when she got the router and since she doesn't know her login details, I haven't been able to change it. She would need to phone to sort it out and I really can't be bothered.

It's because women are supposed to be doing things. I've never been allowed to sit still. She wants me mowing the lawn, weeding, washing the walls, clearing the guttering, scrubbing the patio etc because I'm on my phone, she thinks I'm lazy. I think she thinks I'm here for my benefit when I have a perfectly good flat of my own.

Honestly, if her weight has stabalised i'd be putting a weekly shop and wiltshare farm foods in place then leaving. You wouldn't be wrong to do that.

I'm going to go home. I'll sort it out next week. My sister doesn't want me to leave because she'll have to take over the shopping, cooking and medical appointments but I'm so fed up of her on my back all the time. She keeps telling me I'm a disgrace and that she's ashamed of me. She doesn't stop criticising.

It isn't her fault...
You need to change how you deal with it or walk away