Persuading elderly parent to buy a new car

[NetZeroZealot]

Mum is 85 with arthritis in her shoulder. Her car is over 20 years old. Lives rurally and totally reliant on it, and has to drive my even older dad around.
She knows she needs to buy a 'new' car - an automatic which will put less strain on her shoulder - but is terrified of learning her way around an unfamiliar vehicle.
Her (younger) friend had to do this recently & has put Mum off by telling her how impossible it is to understand the computerised controls in the car etc.
Mum manages OK with internet, online shopping etc so I think she'll be able to adapt, but she doesn't think she can.
Anyone been through this, got any helpful advice?
Thanks

I'd see if she could test drive an automatic or try a rental car first.

Then look at insurance and maintenance costs.

I drive a pretty elderly car which is very reliable and low maintenance costs. Also cheap to insure. I have friends with much newer cars who seem to be constantly at the garage sorting something out as there is so much more to go wrong!

I've got a 5 year old Toyota Yaris auto which apart from being auto is almost exactly the same as my previous manual Yaris. It has keyless ignition but lights, wipers etc are exactly the same and it is SO easy to drive. I can still drive manual no problem (DH has one) but would never buy another manual myself now.

I agree with an earlier poster that an automatic version of her current car would seem the lowest risk way of changing in the circumstances. Fortunately my parents are still competent drivers, though only in their late 70s, but they do insist on having a car each, changed for new ones every 5 or so years, despite they fact there are no circumstances in which they would both ‘need’ to go to different destinations at the same time!! We haven’t yet got to the stage where either has said the next one will see them out, but that can’t be far off ;)

My mum bought a new car when she was 83 and it barely made a difference to her insurance. She didn't find it particularly difficult to adapt to the new car, and she had another seven years of happy and safe driving until she stopped when she was 90.

Yes Ford fiesta are great cars to drive.

I'm missing my old one

Autos are also so much easier to drive imo

Really at her age, if she is finding anything about driving hard she needs to give up. For what it is worth I am early 70s and hope to stop before I am 80.
Living rurally should not influence her decision. There are always ways around it.
Although I have driven an automatic for many years, I don’t advise getting an automatic for the first time in very old age. These fatal accidents where the driver presses the accelerator hard instead of the brake always happen in automatics. A geared car would just stall.

Why assume that "her driving days are nearly done" just because of her age? I am now 77 and so far, have taken, and passed, my HGV medical examination every time it is required. If I ever fail that medical, I will probably stop driving but while I am considered to be medically safe to drive a 40 tonne artic, I am happy to drive my car or any other vehicle.
I do struggle at night with glare from headlights, but this will stop when I have cataract surgery.At present my eyesight, with my spectacles on, is well above the standard needed to drive.

Why assume that "her driving days are nearly done" just because of her age

Oh, this is the sort of Mumsnet post that really annoys me - champing at the bit to accuse another poster of an -ism.

It’s not “just because of her age”. The pertinent information is in the OP. The OP’s mum is not going to be driving an HGV anytime soon 🤷‍♀️

@NotTooOldPaul
Your situation is a bit different than the OP's.

Her mother is 88, and is losing her confidence with her driving skills.

Whereas you are 77, and are a professional driver.

You can't really compare the two things.

I don't agree with the posters who say she should think about giving up driving. She is a competent, confident and safe driver. My Dad, who is older, cannot drive any more. They still have an active and busy social life.
If neither could drive any more I think that would be very bad for their mental health.
The issue is the shoulder pain caused by arthritis aggravated by driving a manual car.

And she is 85 not 88!

And moving home would be far more stressful than moving to a new car!

Apologies.

She is a very confident driver, she is not confident about learning her way around a new vehicle.

Word of warning about changing from manual to automatic....i am 35 and had an automatic as a courtesy car last year...it was one of the most scary experiences of my life! 😬 Having been used to manuals for the last 18 years, I just couldn't figure it out.
The car was stalling, bunny hopping, revving etc everywhere, I was very lucky I didn't get rear ended.Didn't help that they didn't tell me to use the other foot...until I pulled over afew miles up the road calling the garage in desperation saying I needed to take it back, but still did as I had lost trust in it and thought I would probably forget and accidentally use the other foot and break sharply again without meaning to, potentially causing an accident.
You get used to what you're used to....I.would be wary of asking her to make a dramatic change going from manual to automatic, but perhaps it's just me...maybe she would find it OK, but definitely give it a good test drive somewhere off road first to make sure!

I’ve got a 15 year old Smart car. It has absolutely no bells and whistles, a basic radio, electric windows and a very plain display. Can’t stand new cars that light up like a Christmas tree and you need to read the manual before you can drive it. Maybe look for an entry level older car for your mum. I know an 85 year old who regularly drives up and down the motorway to visit friends. She’s home this weekend though as she wants to wallpaper her lounge!

Ask yourself, does her arthritis impede her driving, does it affect her reaction times, be honest! If the answer is yes then it's time to give up driving. It's also time to consider if moving to a larger village or town with public transportation is right. You don't get younger!

She sounds amazing!

I just swapped to an automatic car, I was a bit nervous about my muscle memory for a manual, but it's been absolutely fine, I'm still tempted to put down the imaginary clutch, and get nervous that I'm going to stall at junctions, but it's pretty much disappeared after a day of driving. There are loads of features on the car, but if it's set up okay, she can probably drive it whilst ignoring most of them.

@NotTooOldPaul

It's not her age it's the arthritis, inability to drive after dark and inability / inflexibility to change to a new vehicle that are the issues. If you arthritis in your left arm is hindering gear stick use, is it hindering the speed you can apply your brake in emergency? Also if headlights glare you at night, what happens on gloomy days, in tunnels/trees lining both sides?

The reason there's no set age to give up licences is because we are all different but it relies on us as individuals to recognise when we are impeded beyond the driving standards as currently is a self reported system.

When you switch to an automatic car a top tip is to take your left shoe off. It reminds you not to use that foot and you adapt to just using your right foot only, for the accelerator and brake, much more easily.

@mitogoshi
I agree with you which is one reason why I do the medical to make sure I am safe to drive.
Anyone worried about a person's ability to drive can suggest that they do the medical, there are loads of companies doing them. I've used d4drivers as they have loads of appointments.

I would suggest she buys, say, a 10 year old car, which will be far less daunting in terms of tech. I am in my late 60s and I would not want a brand new car with loads of computerised kit I don't want/understand.

Recently I bought a 12 year old low mileage automatic car. It's Japanese so has a bit of 'kit' but nothing too fancy and it's fairly similar to my previous 20 year old car.

I know I'm a fair bit younger than your mum but I had very little experience with automatic cars, I had always driven manuals. But within ten minutes of getting my new car I completely had the hang of it. It's so easy!

I hope you can help to find a good option for your mum.

My auntie is 85 and has just been given an automatic, not all are so computerised and she finds it so much easier to drive, she loves it, I also think it's safer for her as she doesn't have so much to think about.
She has a Nissan micra if that is any help.

My elderly mum (92) wanted to continue to drive after dad died but their old car was too big for her. So we found her a Honda Jazz auto that was old enough to have basic controls and a somewhat simplified 'early days' touchscreen rather than the more recent complex cockpit type controls in more recent models, and she's happy with it. Only drives to go shopping & the hairdressers, but she's safe,and keeping her independence is important to her.