Can sundowning present before other forms of dementia?

[Okitsme]

My DMIL -87- has always been very self centred and has become demanding when the focus is not on her, but, over the past few weeks there has been a change in behaviour that is setting alarm bells ringing.
My dear SIL has an internationally focused job that requires regular foreign trips, she has always ensured that all medications are sorted, food ordered and packed away and care in place but over the past fortnight there have been four occasions when my DMIL has been hysterical because she can’t find something before she goes to bed, this leads to her feeling ill. My DH stayed with her for a weekend and she repeats herself and couldn’t remember if she had taken her evening medication- she had. She stayed in a home for a week and there were no problems but the night she came out there were hysterics again about a piece of equipment she couldn’t find, Last night was really bad for my SIL although she was fine when talking to my DH this morning. My DSIL is away again next week.
Could this be Sundowning? She has been diagnosed with depression but has refused treatment, she is also prescribed iron tablets but won’t take them.

@Okitsme we could be related aside from slight age difference in my mother. So no advice but definitely a hand hold. It sucks. Have you been able to get her to see a clinician? We have similar problems re a self centred and controlling mother who now the only control she has is to manufacture us being there all the time with silly comments and refusal to engage with any help we have pointed her towards. I can only sympathise having taken her to see various specialists but there have been no diagnosis other than “ she seems to only want to do what she wants”.She will not engage with any help. Anything we do that is part of our normal lives she objects to. Weekly demonstrations that things in the house do work. I’m gradually there more and more recently I’ve been promoted to her ‘cleaner and food supply person’ as she apparently now “can’t clean and can’t shop”. she can she has just decided she won’t. One other thing we have noticed is she has started to re write her past. Instead of the bolshy loudmouth opinionated personality she has always been she is making her self out to have been downtrodden and timid. Old old age sucks I’m sure but it definitely sucks for our generation. Hope the thread gets a bump.

Thanks for replying. This morning my DSIL has been met with hysterics for suggesting that she sees a doctor. She is trying to get carers to come in in the evening next week but this will probably be rejected.
DH is making noises about going up - we live 5 hours away - the week our grown children are visiting, one from abroad, for his birthday.

@Okitsme so sorry to hear this. It’s heartbreaking trying to help someone who won’t accept it.It’s understandable they may be frightened but the refusal to even look at moving forward if nothing else to help family is baffling. In our case over many years everyone has tried to help but everything is refused. I’ve no clue what goes through their minds. Looking at friends whose elderly parents have been so appreciative of any help and support I simply can’t fathom our and clearly your situation. I’m in a place as of today where my stance is we are not helping we are enabling poor choices. Please ask your Dh not to go because trust me it’s a slippery slope. Enjoy your family time.Also some fantastic people on this site re elderly parents. Really sound advice and so much experience.

"DH is making noises about going up - we live 5 hours away - the week our grown children are visiting, one from abroad, for his birthday".

He should not do this as it will achieve nothing. What realistically can he do?. It should be remembered that you cannot help someone who does not ultimately want to be helped. Indeed enjoy your family time.

It does not sound like sundowning to me given how she behaves. Her behaviour now is a further extension of her self centeredness and selfishness which has always been present. She was not nice when she was younger and she certainly is not nice now she is much older; its her personality.

Have you tried the Alzheimer's Society or Dementia UK? They have very good helplines.

Could it be driven by anxiety?

All of the above! AttilaTheMeerkat you are so right. Years of this and her children are enveloped in FOG.
She’s gone into a residential home for the week so my SIL can work and my DH can enjoy his week.
Thank you all, the can has just been kicked down the road and big decisions have to be made but at least this week is saved!