Mum with ovarian cancer in End of life care

[LilmissCa]

Maybe this isn't the right place. I don't know

I feel so hopeless & heartbroken already I don't know how I am going to cope with what's ahead.

My mum was diagnosed just over 4 yrs ago with stage 4 ovarian cancer, she's op, 2 successful rounds of chemo & 1 failed which has put her in palliative care. A lymph node is leaning on her bowel first realised 12 wks ago. Since then she had a few better weeks where we got a way a few nights but has deteriorated the last 2 wks. On 15th she had a syringe driver fitted, she has improved over last weekend and is eating a little bit due to steroids. I have 3 young kids (8, 2.5 & 8months) which all adore her. It hurts me so much that my younger 2 won't even remember her. I live close (she's at home) and visit with some of the kids twice a day for a few hours.

I just don't know how I'm going to cope with what's ahead, anytime I'm alone I'm in tears. Im arguing with my partner over anything. I can't bring myself to take my kids anywhere. Doing a shop I feel like I'm so out of place never mind something fun for them. I can't think straight at all.
There is so much I want to say to my mum but I don't want to break down and cry in front of her.
We had planned to be away in 2 wks I have people telling me to go .. I think they are insane as they don't understand how could I possible plan something 2 wks away when things can change so quickly and if there isn't long left I want to be with my mum as much as possible.

Not actually sure what I'm looking for in this post! How do I support my mum. How do I be there for my kids. What do I prioritise. How not to be annoyed that my two (not living local) brothers are getting on with their lives, they do visit.

Sorry to hear this

I'd prioritise being with your mum. Is your partner able to take up the reins with the kids as much as possible right now? Is your relationship usually good? Maybe sit down with him and explain the support you need right now

It's a tough time. My mum died aged 69 from ovarian cancer 5 years ago. And I sometimes literally shake my head in shock that she's not here any more as it just doesn't seem like it can be possible. Having said that though, that old cliche of 'time being a healer' is true. You will get through it because you have to. Your mum wants you to and she will want you to be strong for your children

You're in the trenches right now and it's best to accept that it can't get better just yet. But it will one day and that's a promise

All the best

Sending heaps of love to you at this very difficult time, OP ❤️

Îm so sorry OP. That sounds very hard . I think Îd listen to what your instinct is telling you and if that is stay close by , so be it. There will be time for holidays in the future. You sound like you are a great daughter and I’m sure your mum knows how much you love her. Try not to be angry at your brothers. Take deep breath and remember grief can make us angry in itself and make us want to lash out.
Take care of yourself . Wishing you strength.

Thanks all

My partner is definitely trying and we do usually be good. I'm just picking at anything I can, trying to be more aware now. He's not able to totally cover the kids side & I don't want to not be here for them just yet either. Usually I bring one with me to my mums which is good for her too, she adores seeing them.

@SuperBatFace so sorry about your mum, 69 is too early, I hope she didnt have a hard battle ❤️

Mums progressed over the last few days, her bowels weren't moving so lead to cramps & vomiting as I knew was coming. She now has 2 drivers in & another line for steroids. Feels like I'm living someone else's life at the minute. Spent the day between doc surgery's, searching chemists for medication, mums bed side and kiddies bedside it's sometimes a blur.