Why delay inevitable surgery then relay on everyone else?

[PILhip]

2 close relatives have needed knee replacements for years. Both were told their arthritis was bad, pain would worsen and cortisone injections, if they worked at all, would only be a temporary plaster effect.

Both now can't drive and rely heavily on their partners and adult children. 1 was still working, and getting her husband to drive her hundreds of miles each week to and from work, because she didn't want to ask about WFH. He was begging her to ask about WFH- even just 1-2 days a week to give him some rest. As soon as she did ask- they were happy for her to WFH! Its impacted her husbands health detrimentally.

Both relatives are now on waiting lists for surgery- but why delay it? I know people can be worried about surgery, but do they honestly think the bone will suddenly and fix itself? Just need a moan because I feel like saying 'I told you this years ago!' Rant over.

It took me 10 years to get my DM to accept she needs a shoulder replacement.

10 fucking years.

And of course now she's much more frail so it's higher risk, she's languishing on a massive waiting list as she needs an HDU bed.

She, of course, does not see it this way and thinks I am being unfair.

@PILhip I feel your pain.

And then they have the surgery and it turns out they waited so long it's caused further consequences to other parts of their body - eg compensating by walking differently to ease the pain then results in wear and tear on other joints...

Yes, been there! Are they the 'doctor knows best' generation who won't push themselves forward for treatment and will say things like "I'm managing fine"?!

They're scared. A lot of people are frightened of having surgery, and they're frightened of the recovery, and of it potentially not working - especially knees, knee replacement gets bad press. Despite any logic or inevitably.
I speak as someone with a parent in the same situation.

Thanks everyone. I feel at my wits end sometimes. I've offered to take them to consultant appointments, to help their partners whilst they have surgery, to support them afterwards etc.

@EmotionalBlackmail That is absolutely the case where holding off 1 surgery has now damaged the other knee, and now back pain as a result of the limped walk!

Remember too that joints have limited life span. The earlier you have them done, the more likely you are to have to repeat the process

I currently have a friend whose mother is now in her early 80's. Her mother is living in a big family home that 2 miles drive from the nearest shop. A few years ago my friend suggested that her mother sell this house and move into a house in town. Her mother was far from happy with this suggestion.
Now her mother's sight is declining and she has cataracts. My friend suggested to her mother to get a cataract operation over the summer as she has private health insurance. Her mother refused to do this.
My friend can see her mother's driving licence not been renewed later in the year because of this.
She has decided not to mention this again because of course her mother knows it all.

My fil had a knee replacement a few years ago and it was a real success.

He now needs the other knee surgery, and my mil and sil told him again and again to just have the operation.
But he didn't want to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Now, bless him, he has dementia, and doesn't have capacity for agree to have surgery.

I hope she isn’t driving now?

My mother's hip replacement at 80 was a disaster. I don't think much of her surgeon but I also think she delayed it a very long time and by the time she did it her muscles were pretty poor. (Sometimes of course things just go wrong).

My sister has had a hip replacement aged 60 which may have been a bit early but has been influenced by what happened to our mum and I don't blame her.

My MIL wouldn't have cataract surgery for years, when she finally did have it she thought it was fantastic she could see to read and got a whole new lease of life, wish she had done it years earlier when she was first offered

Perhaps he found the recovery more than he could face?

Yeah, maybe, @MereDintofPandiculation

He's not a man who can get a word in edgewise, bless him.
My mil and sil do all the talking for him, and always have done.