MIL “had enough”

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89 years old, type 1 diabetic since age 6 now fluctuating wildly due to lack of injection sites and absorption issues, anxiety and depression, high blood pressure (190/140) regularly. Has “had enough”, tired of life, feels like time is up, ready to go. What do you say, GP told her nothing can be done and there are lots of older people who feel the same. What to do?

No answer unfortunately. My MIL is in a beautiful care home and is permanently miserable. 'Is this what my life has come to?'

But she is physically frail and has dementia so there is no alternative.

I’ve heard a few elderly people say that towards the end of their lives. I don’t know what you can do/say really, except give them a hug and tell them you love them.

It is very common, and can you blame them?

Quality of life in later life is poor.

Can the doctor perscribe mood lifters medication?

It’s a sad situation and not one I would wish on myself. She is already on anti anxiety. The high blood pressure is certainly not helping her ability to cope. At constant risk of heart attack or stroke we are living on the edge along with many many others. A wider debate is required on elderly care and quality of life.

My MIL was similar. It was so hard for her.
Her final years, she just sat in her kitchen.

My aunt is heading towards this situation. She is still living at home, bored and lonely despite regular family visits and amazing neighbours. She is in constant discomfort/pain, mentally alert but going deaf and physically incapacitated. It's hard to know how to respond when she says, 'Why am I still here? X, Y and Z are all dead, I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything.'

I'm sorry, OP. It's so difficult.

My gran was the exact same op. She struggled a lot in her later years. I felt so sorry for her and with the health issues she had I understood completely why she was feeling the way she felt. She passed away and I think it was a relief for her, she had enough of the world at that point!

At least she can refuse any life-saving or life prolonging treatment, ABs, drips, etc. - assuming she has capacity. Or if you have P of A, and she’s made wishes known, you can refuse on her behalf.
Otherwise the default is so often to keep people going regardless of quality of life.

She is already on anti anxiety.

Antidepressants are not the same as anti-anxiety meds. Might be worth considering both.

Yes. Setting up an advance directive, if she's not already done so, can save a lot of unwanted treatment.

maybe sit down with her and ask her for a bucket list? Put together a few ideas of goals she would like to meet, experiences she has never had, etc, and help her work through a few of them?

Apologies if this seems insensitive but has she got a dnr in force? If at heightened risk of heart attack or stroke it would make any decisions easier (?). Again apologies for possibly being crass. I'm not good with words in sensitive situations.

Both DM and Mil are in the same mindset. DM regularly says it, MiL says she's just existing...

It's just plain sad.

Yes, my mother is paralyzed all down one side by a stroke last year. She's in a nursing home and cannot do anything for herself. She is hoisted from bed to wheelchair and back again. Fed, washed, dressed - everything is done for/to her. Sometimes she is fairly lucid and sometimes not.I feel tremendous sorrow for her and excruciating pain for myself. There's only me to support her and each day is basically agonizing torture for us both.
If I was allowed to give her a cup of tea with some medication to end the suffering, I would do it in a heartbeat and she would want me to.

I’ve come across many elderly people with the same mindset. There isn’t much you can do other than be company for her when you can and maybe think of a few things she can do so she has something to look forward to.
This is exactly why I question a lot of peoples desire to extend their lives as much as possible. It would be great if we got to live our 20s and 30s twice, but keeping yourself going so you can live to see your 80s and 90s is less appealing.

It’s horrible. My grandmother went through it in the 1990s and now her daughter (my mother) is. My mother didn’t even enjoy Wimbledon and the Euros this year, and she’s always loved televised sport especially tennis. She’s just “there”, existing. She has had a titfull. I don’t know how to help her.

My dad’s mum was luckier. She only had a few weeks of bad health/frailty/misery at age 85/86 before she drifted off in her armchair in front of the tv, her cat on her lap. My late dad was similar, his two siblings too.

In any case, it may be possible (if treatment is proposed) to discuss with medics whether it’d be in her best interests. From all I’ve read or heard, they are often reluctant to (however kindly) let nature take its course, because relatives are too often very angry/indignant if anyone suggests that it might be kinder. They are presumably wary of DM headlines on the lines of ‘Callous medics wanted Mum to die!’

I used to work with the elderly, and was frequently told that they just wanted to go to sleep forever.