Sibling problem - found this board

[Canoewho]

Have been reading through past threads and was surprised how common sibling problems and elderly parents are
I can’t write specifics of my situation as it is too recognisable but it also involves a golden child sibling’s spouse whose manipulative nature has been truly unmasked.

Well it feels good to write that out. I now know from this board I am not the only one to have experienced this sort of issue.

Yes, it seems to be really common.

I think there's a misconception that it's easier having a sibling as an only child would have to deal with all of it alone, but there's no guarantee a sibling would be any use, want to be involved or capable of being involved. And mostly seems to create more work than if someone were dealing with it all alone.

Ironically I have a sibling who was conceived so I didn't have to cope with my elderly parents alone. My sibling is the golden child and totally useless.

The grief has hit me too suddenly, that we will lose him too, one day. It is all so very very sad.

Trust me a toxic sibling is a nightmare. I have spent the last 12 months in flight or fight mode and paid ££ to a good solicitor. For my health I’m now walking away in terms of being involved and accept the £ will all be “spent” so no inheritance.

The problem is my parent is going along with it and has capacity. In someways if I had joint POA and my parent didn't have capacity it would be easier in practical terms but heartbreaking in terms of losing the person.

I will keep the relationship with my parent as that is what is important but any problems etc. due to rejecting my help will be met with a “not my problem ask x” on repeat.

Sorry for everyone who is or has experienced this
My situation is complicated by it being a sibling’s SPOUSE taking the lead and the sibling going along with it.
Very tricky situation indeed

My brother(Toxic Tim) is a master of passive aggressive statements. He is doing literally nothing to help organise a care home for mum, despite living bill free in her flat. He wanted nothing to do with applying for guardianship leaving it all to me. I contacted a number of care homes, viewed some and picked three and he sent me a passive aggressive message questioning why I didn't 'invite' him along. He will sulk for months then blame me for anything. He takes no responsibility for anything so frankly he can get stuffed.

I wonder what creates a 'golden child'?

I know my brother in law is definitely one of them though!
He gets away with murder, while the other siblings all pull their weight - my fil has dementia.

My fil had to go into hospital recently, and the siblings all rallied together to help both parents get through a really tough time.
Whereas, GC, just 'checked out' from all the conversations. He didn't actively refuse to help, he just didn't respond to any of the questions about it.
So, that was that.

And yet, somehow, he's still the GC. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have a Goldenballed brother (51), although he is finally testing my mother(77).
Today she actually made a comment about him being much better recently.
Apparently this is not since his teen years - too much drugs
Not his 20s - 'evil' girlfriend
But since his 30s and his crushed personality due to his lovely fiancee who stuck through him and helped so much.
But since Christmas, although this reminds her of some completely imaginary time in the past.

Poor Goldenballs.