Terrified

[red5678]

My parents 77 & 75 are my world . I love spending time with them and I honestly love them to bits . I'm so worried about loosing them . How will I cope , will my life just fall apart ? I don't want it to ? How do I loose the two people who will love me like no one else ever will. I think about this day and night. They are really starting to look old the last few years . It makes me so sad xxxx

I lost my DF a few years ago. It's hard but you do cope. Having some really good grief Counselling really helped and making the other areas of your life enjoyable helps too.

And I should explain, I do still have my "D"M but the relationship has never been a good one.

I used to be a terrible worrier @red5678 , but someone gave me advice that really changed my mindset:

"Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow"

So basically just enjoy what you have while you have it. No-one knows what the future holds- your parents could live for another 20 years or so, you don't want to tarnish every day with worrying, do you?

I hope you have many more happy years with them in your life 🤗

I felt like you when I was struggling with menopause anxiety, this was my main hook for worrying. Could you be of a similar age and experiencing similar symptoms?

You will cope though, it is something which millions of people go through every year. Yes you'll be sad, but you'll get through it.

I wonder this with my Mum. She is and has always been the most amazing Mum ever.
I can't picture how my life will
Work without her but I remind myself how amazingly lucky I've been to have such a great Mum and to have had her in my life for so long.
One of my friends Mums died when she was young and a lot of my other friends have Mums who are particularly nice.

My Mum is mid 80's and still healthy and enjoying life so that makes me happy

I used to feel much the same OP - I'm an only child.

However, as my DPs got into their 80s I came to terms with it more, and now I am just grateful that I had them in my life for so long. You just have to tell yourself that it is part of the circle of life, and while it is hard you will cope. As a pp said millions of people go through it every year.

The stoic approach is: don’t shy away from it. Think deeply about it and what will it be like. Let yourself feel some of the feelings you imagine you will have when it happens. Practise it, in a way. It helps you to prepare , to make peace with it and - for me - makes me appreciate the time I do have with them, rather than living in fear of when I don’t.

start small, if you like. Think about your favourite glass, how much you like the shape, the weight of it in your hand, how it looks. Then imagine it smashed to smithereens. Practise at feeling that loss.

it brings me peace.

My experience with significant loss is that you cope because you have to. For me, my children and DH need me so I keep going. It's not easy but time really does ease the sting.

Thinking about this so much sounds as if you are struggling.

It might be worth trying mindfulness, or Google the 'leaves on a stream' exercise to try and learn to manage these negative thoughts?

I agree with trying to focus on 'sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof' - living in the future is never a good idea, especially if if sucks joy from the present.

I have this fear too. I am an only child and I don't have a family of my own either. I feel I will be all alone in the world once they are gone and it's terrifying.

I understand. I've been struggling with this fear and dread more recently too. My parents are 81 & 80 and my husband has incurable cancer. It feels like my world is threatening to implode. I'll be walking around the supermarket and suddenly get struck with the sense of loneliness I'm going to feel.

Enjoy them today and don’t look too far ahead ….my mums 88…still fit and well….and when she’s not I will deal with it….but not today….I never look very far ahead

I am so sorry to hear that. Do you have any good friends who would be there for you?

Thank you Starfish89. I do have one friend I meet up with. Unfortunately my best friend died from cancer some years ago and I still really miss her! Other friends nearby turned out to be fairweather only friends!🙄 My DH and I discovered sickness really keeps people away!! It really is isolating giving up work to be a carer but I have kind, supportive neighbours who are amazing. I'm going to try my hardest never to be a fairweather friend. Thanks for your thread OP and I hope you have lovely friends around you x