Mum thinks he’ll die..

[Annikaanonymous]

Dad is 83 and in a care home with dementia. Now not walking or talking, barely eating but does drink fluids. Me and my OH are due to go away in three weeks and mum is convinced it will be that week when my dad will die!

Ive tried to reassure her to listen to ‘I just don’t know what I’ll do..it will be the death of me…how will I cope (Dad has been in care home for three years next month)!! I’m so worried about it! She does have a few good neighbours and besides, it’s for one week that we are away.

I cannot reassure her anymore, what can I do/say?

@Annikaanonymous frustrating isn’t it. Are your plans to relocate to be nearer?

Unable to change holiday plans but wouldn’t want to anyway, so ready for a break and change of scenery.
@BlueLegume We’re in close proximity area wise, so no problem there at least. It’s only a week but I’m so relied upon!

DM refuses any local groups, etc., which I know would offer her support! Leading up to my DFs diagnosis she continued life as if everything was ok and wouldn’t attend any of their groups, despite several attempts. It would have been a good opportunity for her to receive support and even make a few good connections/friends. It then hit her hard when my DF went into the care home.

Very similar story here with DFIL only we were in lockdown and he was able to hide just how much DMIL had deteriorated.

When he did finally contact them after she was admitted to Hospital for Delirium, he found them incredibly useful.

I'm not sure why some Carers are reluctant to contact services that can help, especially when it's in theirs and their Spouses best interests.

@RappersNeedChapstick It’s baffling how they think things will go without help. Sorry to hear you relate, hope all goes ok.

@RappersNeedChapstick @Annikaanonymous beyond baffling agree. Yet they are totally accepting of running us ragged with zero respect of the fact they not only run us ragged but also in my experience criticise EVERYTHING we do to help. I’m at a point where the only thing I think the future holds is one of us moving in permanently with our mother. She has nothing physically wrong with her she is just refusing to do anything to help herself. My grandparents lived through and fought in WW2. They moved around the country to improve their lives economically. They were a breath of fresh air. My mother has lived in the same village her whole life. Lived in the same house for nearly 60 years. She has no coping skills whatsoever no resilience. She’s now refusing to let in a handyman who we secured to sort her massive garden out. So sister and I are going over to do it. Manipulation central. Yes we should refuse to go but we are decent people.