Father's money anxiety

[Barney16]

For context my parents are both mid eighties, generally well. Some mobility issues but plenty of interests, a tiny bit forgetful but generally engaging and engaged with the world. However my DF has started to express a lot of anxiety about money. As in they haven't got any money. The thing is they have. Two houses, two cars, pensions and some investments. I can't work out if his anxiety is about having no money now or if he's worried that they will run out of money. I have tried to talk to both DM and DF about it but got no where really. I'm now wondering if this is more to this. He has said almost in passing that he feels that I need to help them more and spend more time with them. I like and love both of them but I live three hours away, have a job that requires huge amounts of mental.load and am knackered most of the time. I see them about once a month which is lovely but exhausting. I have children, grown up but who also need my attention. Just posting for thoughts really. Thank you for reading.

Are they claiming attendance allowance? They sound eligible- its about £85-105 per person per week

Does he maybe want you to help them
manahe their money? Do you have lasting power of attorney?

I do but they both seem perfectly capable. It's tricky because he just says things but then won't discuss.

I suppose I'm worried that his anxiety, which seems unfounded, is really an indicator of some mental deterioration. That frightens me because the idea of them declining is terrifying.

Do you think your father may be overwhelmed with the financial management of having two houses, two cars and various investments? Does he arrange the tax, insurance and servicing of the cars, pay the utilty bills, insurance and council tax on both houses? It might be getting too much for him. Why do they have two houses? Is one a holiday home?

Yes one is a holiday home. And yes he does do all of those things. You make a very good point and I could help more with their life admin. I'm not sure what reception my offer to help would get but I will try.

How do they sound eligible ? Op has said nothing to suggest they qualify for a disability benefit ?

They have mobility issues
They are a bit forgetful
One has anxiety (which can be an early sign of dementia)

The threshold for attendance allowance is quite low.

I wonder also if the cost of insurance on the cars has also increased because of their ages? Maybe your father is seeing all the bills go up (especially on utilities) and he's worrying that they can't afford it. The sheer amount of bills may be concerning him? Do they really need two cars? It maybe time to sit down with him and go through them, if he'll let you? Maybe he just wants you to confirm that he's on top of everything and has paid everything he should have?

Op says they are both generally well.
There is no mobility component to AA.
The criteria is that people have significant difficulties for at least six months.
Yet the first thing people suggest is claiming benefit even when they own two houses and have investments. And yes I'm aware it's non means tested.

Yes you are right. He renewed his car insurance about four months ago and it was nearly a thousand pounds, he did get a cheaper policy but he was really shocked. He did say to me they should get rid of a car. My mum said that she wasn't giving up her car because it gave her independence. He won't give up his car. So stalemate.

They don't have benefits other than state pension. Also weirdly or maybe not they would never claim anything age related because they don't think they are old 😕

Mobility impacts on your ability to do day to day tasks when you are elderly. It isnt just about walking but the wider ability to move freely.

Could they have been scammed or narrowly avoided being scammed? One of those dubious phone calls or a dodgy roofer at the door? That's what made an elderly neighbour lose a lot of confidence as the roofer really took advantage - we tried to warn them but think they were intimidated and trying to make out they could still manage house maintenance.

Do they pay bills on receipt or by direct debit? It might be they're struggling to keep up with the paperwork. Especially if insurance costs have significantly risen and they need to shop around. Mine wanted me to take over doing this as it was so "difficult" to shop around!

Are both houses in a good state of repair and have they got access to reliable people like gardeners and cleaners? I've noticed with mine that having to sort out fixing a dripping tap or similar as suddenly become an overwhelming task. Then there's getting worried about finding a reliable plumber or whatever, and how much it will cost (even though there's plenty of money to pay for this!)

And are the pensions high enough to cover their costs? They could be well off on paper but if most of that wealth is locked up in two houses, two cars and investments they may not see it day to day as they watch food and utility bills rise.

I think you make a very good point. They are very shocked by how much things have gone up. My mum instigates a lot of stuff that requires money being spent. She always has to have a project and I think my dad just feels he's watching money drain away.

Worrying about money when there was no need to worry about it was a symptom of my dad’s dementia. Concerned about who owned the house, who he owed money to, who owed money to him, whether bills were paid. Speaking to friends whose families are also going through this, it’s a common theme.

My mother spent years shopping and buying hundreds of items of clothing- many identical. With hindsight it was the 1st sign of dementia. Is your mums spending similar?

No, it's more house based. So for example a little while ago she was determined to have a tree chopped down in the garden. Before that it was having the patio door replaced. Before that it was the roof. The tree did need trimming but not chopping down which is a much bigger job so more expensive. I talked to her about it, two weeks later she said oh the tree needs pruning. The tree surgeon came and says it didn't need anything really so nothing happened. The patio door idea just faded but not before she had found a tradesman and got a quote. I don't think there was anything wrong with the roof. It's really tricky because the things she thinks if could be done but don't necessarily need doing if you see what I mean.