I wonder, should I talk to my aunt?

[Stotar]

I was thinking for a long time of contacting one of my aunties about my mother-her sister.

Basically, my mother hasn't been behaving properly and I am thinking it's possibly dementia but it's not presenting as a typical dementia with memory loss. It's behavioural and mood stuff and doing things that's not making any sense and easily angered and enraged.

Reading online there's a behavioural dementia known as FTD.

I asked my mother a few months ago why her mother was in a nursing home before she died. She wasn't able to tell me much. She said she wasn't a nice person. She was crazy. I asked if she ever had dementia and my mother replied yesterday but it was mild because she never forgot.

This to me is a huge red flag towards FTD. Because FTD is behavioural and mood based and the memory is intact for a long time.

I think there's some connection between what I am seeing with my mother and with what my grandmother had.

So far to date - GPs wrote me and my concerns off citing 'memory loss'. Same goes for the rest of my family. Meanwhile I am the brunt of my mother's shit and on suicdes doorstep with all of it. It's so so so hard.

My mother brought me to tears yet again this morning with no care or consideration or comprehension.

I think if I was to contact an aunt and try and get answers from an aunt it might go a long way in helping me in getting a diagnosis.

I also read online that FTD can be gentietic. Another red flag.

There's also another red flag in relation to two of my mother's brothers but for some reason this shit isn't talked about in the family and I am on my own.

My concern is that if I talk to my aunt, may e she might talk it around to the rest of the family. A tip I got before is if you don't want to hear it back, don't say anything. I can't afford for my suspicions about dementia to spread around the family due to my mother's aggression.

Another route is that I have a cousin who is a doctor. Would she be a safe bet to take to, I wonder? Maybe there's something appearing in her father - one of my mother's brothers. I know she's not my doctor but still she should have the intelligence to keep it quite.

Anyone?
Can anyone advise me about whether or not to contact my auntie?
I really think there is something running in my mother's family but it's not talked about or not fully known yet. I don't know.

I think stop trying to diagnose her yourself. Write a letter to your GP setting out your concerns, with timeline. And move out.

You have posted repeatedly about your mum.
If you don't like her behaviour move out. You come across as obsessive and attention seeking. If your mum has dementia her GP will decide what care she needs which unless you have poa they do not need to discuss with you.
The truth is your mum is entitled to make her own decisions good or bad unless deemed unfit. She will not be deemed unfit because you don't like the way she treats you.
Old people with personality problems or dementia don't get better behaved so if you want to continue living in your mum's home because it is cheaper than renting you are going to have to put up with it, it is her house.
Harsh but that's the way it is.

If you think you would get answers and/or support you need then why not talk to her? One word of caution though, have you an idea of how your aunt copes with difficult situations and difficult conversations like this? Would you be ok with it if you didn't get the answers or support you need? You say you are feeling suicidal so be careful. However, that said, if you are out of options and there is a chance it might help, then it could be worth it.

I have had a rough time with my parents in the last few years, it has been worry after worry with my DD losing mostly all his mobility, having confusions, etc. Been one thing after another My DM has recently started going downhill too, and been showing signs of not coping and recently, behavioural changes which I suspect to be worse than carers stress. I tried to talk to 2 different family members and each time, they listened but offered me no help or support. My family's way of dealing with things they don't want to face is to pretend it isn't happening and go into denial.

I have been at some really low ebbs with it all, the constant worry and dealing with difficult/worrying behaviour on my own with nobody giving a damn, can really get you down.

Whatever you decide, I hope you can find an answer and that your concerns about your DM potentially having dementia don't come to anything.

*DF not DD