Those who became estranged from family left who are very fond of patriarchal roles... how did/do you cope?
Mum had narcissistic personality disorder, dad enabled a log of behaviour, sister n brother blind to it but continuing by proxy. Like flying monkeys still I guess.
My mum and dad have both passed now. My mum had narcissistic personality disorder I am 100% sure. I was always the scapegoat of the family. My family left have very misogynistic views and are right wing apart from me and my neices. Tbh my mum did too, but ruled the roost.
Men always right even if violent or abusive, or get away with it and played down... women low down and always in wrong. Such things as forgetting to boil a kettle in a timely manner can lead to sharp tongue and raised voices. Or standing ground with boundaries and daring to say "I don't want to do that".
Due to a lot of tension since my mum passed about inheritance and other stuff, for my own mental wellbeing I have decided to go very very low contact.
I feel heartbroken, I guess for family I was supposed to have but never did. My mums disfunctionalness dominated all facets of family life, i loved her and she was mentally unwell but abusive a lot of the time, now she isn't here it seems to have stemmed into my brother who is now taking control. The roles of narcissistic abuse are very apparent in our family and since mam passed my brother and sometimes sister have developed these roles by proxy.
He has said some things where I feel scared to be alone with him, basically saying I deserved to be verbally sexually assaulted and emotionally and verbally bullied because I am weak. (I left and old job because of this).
It is an awful situation to be in. Wondering if others have healed and had happy lives from gojng low contact from family.
I read a lot of Dr sherrie campbell and this quote resonated with me:
"It is important to understand that loving someone doesn’t always mean having a relationship with that person, just like forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. Reconciling, in many cases, only sets us up for more abuse. A significant part of our healing will come in accepting that not reconciling with certain people is a part of life. There are some relationships that are so poisonous that they destroy our ability to be healthy and to function at our best. When we put closure to these relationships, we give ourselves the space to love our toxic family members from a distance as fellow human beings where we do not wish harm upon them; we simply have the knowledge and experience to know it is unwise to remain connected with them."
I do love them, I just know their way of life, the way they are with each other, with me... isn't who I am and I know I cannot continue to be abused by being in their lives. They will all be voting reform in the general election, so speaks volumes to how polarised and different we are.
It's so sad but I need to advocate for me.
Thanks for reading.