Tips

[Words]

Have been avoiding this thread, somewhat selfishly, as I had so much support here and made an absolutely brilliant real life friend.

I just thought a few things might be useful

Ensure parent has a will.

Ditto power of attorney- these days for finances as well as health. So crucial. It's tricky enough with one but without is a total nightmare.

Make sure they have some form of photo ID. It's even worth re applying for a passport in my opinion but in some circumstances bus passes are acceptable.

If you're concerned about care in a home, contact the Care Quality Commission

Above all, realise what a tremendous emotional and practical burden this is, and get as much help as you can to alleviate it.

Totally agree. I would add to think extremely carefully about the set up if the plan is for them to come to live with you, either in Granny flat or a room in your house. Dementia is so tough for the carer, and even if older person is fit and healthy, this may be a v long commitment. My heart sinks when I see/hear 'Mum coming to live with us' as I truly believe no-one has a realisation of the extra strain on many relationships until they have done it.

Watch out for being a boiled frog.

You start out by doing a little bit of admin for them. Or pop round with some shopping. This gradually increases over time (water temp heats up) until your life is unrecognisable and you've burnt out. The frog has been boiled alive but didn't get a chance to jump out before that.

@Theoldwrinkley 100%.

This would never have been a consideration in my situation as our relationship was difficult at the best of times but my heart always sinks when I read of it. Just no. Have seen it so often. And as ever it always seems to be daughters/ daughters in law who shoulder the burden.

Whatever you feel you might be saving on care fees will vanish ten fold on your physical and mental health, and the toll it takes on family relationships.