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Elderly parents

Tips on managing with elderly parent staying

6 replies

Elizo · 12/06/2024 11:51

I seem to have sleep walked into this situation. My mum was living alone far from me but has now sold her house and I must have said in passing a while ago it would be fine to stay her if there needed to be a gap between her selling and buying. I wanted her closer as much easier to pop round etc and she was keen to move. It took ages to sell, but then happened very quickly and she is now here. She is in her 70s and suddenly seems frail, struggling with mobility. She seems to have lost a lot of confidence and was getting stressed about not being able to use the phone earlier and various other things. She has never been an easy person and we have had a difficult relationship but she has helped me enormously and I've supported her a lot to. I have a sister but she has kept her distance and is much more boundaried - will to take mum out when it suits her.

So now my mum is here, seems pretty low and not feeling well, tbh she has been saying she hasn't been feeling well for weeks (one minor ailment after another that seems to completely deplete her energy). I have suggested it could be stress/ anxiety, but she is insisting it isn't. She has has had MH issues in the past. I also have a teenage son who needs quite a bit of support and I have no partner. At home working a lot and we are already on top of each other. I don't even have an idea of how long this situation could go on, although she is clear she will rent if she can't buy quickly, but not sure when that would be.

I really don't want to end up snapping or being irritable, but feeling that way already. How have others managed these situations? I'm so used to it just being me and my son, I don't feel able to relax right now. Any tips would be welcome.

Thank you

OP posts:
PeonySeasons · 12/06/2024 11:52

If she's not even in a chain to buy, she's going to be with you for many many months to come....

Get her registered with a GP and send her in for a check up.

And get her signed up with estate agents and plan to view as many as possible!

Elizo · 12/06/2024 11:54

Yeah she is registering with GP today. She has an offer on a place but seems to have changed her mind and survey showed up some issues. She is registered with estate agents but very little coming up meeting her needs (location, ground floor etc). Am also worried if suitable properties for rent, but hopefully...

OP posts:
Diversion · 12/06/2024 11:57

Might she consider an extra care facility? Her own accommodation but someone on call, communal spaces so she can have company if she wishes, they often have hairdressers and cafes on site too.

Elizo · 12/06/2024 11:58

I don't think she likes that idea. Fiercely independent. But it could end up being a reality.

OP posts:
Teapotsgalore · 12/06/2024 21:04

It would possibly be the best place for her to keep her independance as long as possible. One in an area near you and shops, transport and activities. Best to rent , rather than buy though imho.

Doone22 · 17/06/2024 12:56

Elizo · 12/06/2024 11:58

I don't think she likes that idea. Fiercely independent. But it could end up being a reality.

A lot of care or retirement properties have lots of social things on site which might be really nice for her .

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