Aging mother ignoring household issues

[Yellowcrush]

My mother is aging. She's in her 70s. For the past 2+ years she's been behaving poorly at times with behavioural and mood stuff. I strongly suspect dementia. It seems like a cognitive decline where she doesn't know how to behave any more.

The fridge freezer hasn't been working well for a long time. The freezer leaks water and there's puddles on the floor. She's ignoring this aside from mopping up puddles.

I mentioned the fridge problem earlier in the week and she dismissed me by saying she will get my brother to look at it. He's home on holidays. I mean like, he's not an appliance technician so I don't know what she thinks he can do with it. (That's her mind and her thinking and unable to plane or organise anything beyond herself).

The seal on the freezer is broken. It's over 13 years old and out of warranty. I checked online and apparently a replacement can be fitted. However I don't know the exact model number of the fridge freezer. An estimate of prices is 50 pounds for a new seal.

How can this be fixed or replaced. I know if I was to suggest a repair person she will argue with that and I will come up with a brick wall. A replacement or repair with cost 50 to 100 pounds approx. Would I be better off going down the route of encouraging a new fridge freezer altogether?

can she afford a new one?

13 years old… i’d splurge

Very similar problems with my M. She says it's noisy and leaking but it never is when I'm there. I suspect that she's leaving the door open.

She does have a diagnosis of Dementia but it's in the very early stages.

Is she willing to see the Gp?

The issue I have with my mother about this is that I can suggest a new appliance and even offer to buy it but she won't do it. I come up with a brick wall of crap from her where she argues and back answers and dishes out sarcasm or whatever and there's nothing happening from her.

I do think this is part of what I suspect is dementia too.

She won't go to the doctor but I think at this stage I will have to make a GP appointment myself and discuss to see what I can do about her.

You can write to the GP. I've emailed different practices a couple of times about different relatives.

You have to make it really clear that you're not after any information but are concerned for their safety and well being, think that they need a memory test and really want to avoid a Hospital admission.

If you email them, you then have a record of when you sent it.

Last time I did this I sent the email on Friday evening after a visit and the GP saw them on Tuesday morning.

But, OP, these are your mother's choices - nothing to do with you. So you just have to let her be. If and when she has a dementia diagnosis AND you have Power of Attorney, which becomes active, then you can buy her a new fridge if she is still living at home. Until then, your mother does whatever she wants.

Have you got POA for her OP because if you haven't, I'd see if she'll agree to one before you get a diagnosis

Can you and your brother (and any other siblings) unite and tell your DM you are concerned about her? Otherwise she is like to play you off against each other.

I think if it were me I would be tempted to order the new fridge-freezer, arrange delivery, get her out of the house and get it done. But of course I don't know what the repercussions might be.

If the seal is gone then it won't be staying as cold inside as it should be and her food will be going off.

Get a digital fridge freezer thermometer to check that first.

If it's not cold enough she needs a new one or repair done pronto before she gets food poisoning.

@Elieza great idea re the thermometer for the freezer. Sadly we had a similar situation with our DM who insisted the cooker wasn’t heating her food properly. I always did when any of us cooked anything for her. Sis bought her a thermometer but she refused to use it saying she just needed to look at food to know the temperature. Contrary, contrary contrary. Lesson for me in all of this is keeping a notebook of what I know I need to do before I am too old. Our parents have literally wandered into later life with no idea about how to cope. The house is now falling apart because they have refused to pay for upkeep so it is now falling to us as siblings. What should be a nice visit to Mum to keep her company just turns into problem solving white goods, garden sheds, the garden etc etc