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Elderly parents

Poor planning and organising

6 replies

Yellowcoke · 30/05/2024 23:02

Over the past 2 and half years I noticed some stuff about my mother who's in her early 70s. It's mood and behavioural stuff and waning comprehension and I am lead to highly suspect that she's going senile. She's doing stuff that's just not making sense. One of the behaviours is an anger that doesn't make sense. Everyday is different.

I chatted to her GP but I got nowhere in relation to help and a diagnosis for her because the GP cited 'memory loss'. At the time I wasn't seeing memory loss. Now it's questionable. It's not very obvious. It looks to me as if she's touching and feeling objects not knowing what they are or she's trying to recognise them.

We are due to have visitors arrive next week and stay in our spare room. The room was cleaned at Christmas time. Since then she used the room for storage. Over the past week or so, our focus should have been on preparing the room and to be honest she did make an effort but it's still a hovel. There's no organisation in the room. The bedside locker is in the opposite side of the room. She won't leave it beside the bed. There's no locker or cabinet beside the bed. There's a wardrobe and two clothing rails a d a big desk a d there's too much going on. There's no need for half of those clothing rails. She placed an old rug down on top of the carpet maybe in an effort to make the place nicer, I don't know but she treated that rug with disdain. She used to leave it outside for days and it's likely damp and mouldy.

She's just doing stuff that's not making sense.

I had a table lamp in the room and that's gone. I asked her and she said she threw it away because the metal bent. How does metal bend? That does make sense. She likely just chucked it and gave me a childlike answer - 'the metal broke'.

The room is nowhere near ready.

I didn't critise my mother's work to her by the way.

I had intentions of sitting back and letting it happen and letting the family come and see what's happening because my words will never be good enough to explain what's happening. But then that will likely just show a bad light on me. As if I am lazy. I don't know.

I was thinking, if my mother goes out for the day on Saturday to the shops, I was thinking about making some changes. I would be able to organise the room better but then I don't know how that will go down? I find my mother can be controlling a demanding and arguementative.

I found her earlier in the week with one foot on the bed and the other foot on the radiator and standing stretched out washing the windows instead of using a chair or a footstool.

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 30/05/2024 23:18

It does sound as if your mum might benefit from an assessment. Do you live with her?

MereDintofPandiculation · 31/05/2024 10:33

It sounds as if you have differing views on how much needs to be changed to accommodate visitors. I appreciate there’s other stuff you haven’t told us about, but on the basis of what you said I wouldn’t be particularly worried

AnnaMagnani · 31/05/2024 10:42

Back to the GP. Ask for a dementia assessment as your DM has changed character and isn't looking after herself in the way she normally would. And she has some memory loss now.

EmotionalBlackmail · 31/05/2024 16:33

Would it help not to do anything about the state of the room, let the relatives visit and then involve them in a discussion about what's happening?

That way you get others' perspectives and maybe some help or ideas about what to do!

Gunz · 01/06/2024 22:20

What you are describing are quite large red flags around a Dementia issue. I say this as my late Mum developed some really quite irrational behaviour. You really need to go back to the GP and get a referral to the memory clinic. The GP should be able to run some initial tests to establish whether this is the right path.

CadyEastman · 02/06/2024 08:44

I'd also suggest going back to the GP and asking for an assessment. It's sounds as though your DM is definitely declining.

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