Husbands mum and sister advice

[Sadless]

Hi all my husbands mum is 87 years old she currently lives with her daughter and her daughters son what has learning difficulties.
The last few weeks have been awful my mother in law can be hard work and she says what she thinks . But now she wants to see if she can apply for a council flat and move out but she went to live with them because she was struggling and her other daughters according to her where to ill to look after . It’s not new about them arguing but it was with her grandson more than anything and now her daughters had enough . I am suggesting to my husband that he needs to speak to his sister and make them talk but he seems keen that she moves out knowing that she said at Christmas she couldn’t manage living on her own anymore . Any advice

I'm not sure what you want to happen here or how it affects you - if your mother in law is able to move out and live independently then why not?

I'm finding this a little confusing.

"she [your MiL?] went to live with them because she [still your MiL, or her daughter?] was struggling and her other daughters according to her where to ill to look after"

Why do her other daughters need looking after?

Why is it your husband's job to make 2 adults, who by the sounds of it both have capacity, talk to each other.

And why are you trying to make them all change a decision they all 3 seem to be happy with?

My mother in law has 3 daughters when she decide to move away to live with 1 of the daughters she was struggling living on her own . She said before she went that she was going because no one here was able to look after her due to the other daughters have health problems and she has 3 sons but doesn’t expect them to . My husband is worried about his mum she seems upset but is living in her bedroom to avoid them . Meals are being made and brought to her .

They are all adult and should be able to sort it out themselves but all acting the children her grandson called her a bitch and her daughter didn’t say anything to him . She’s not happy about that her daughters heard her calling her grandson names to someone on the phone .

my husband said what would you do in this situation and I said I don’t think I would ever be in that situation because of the way they are behaving.

If she did manage to get a flat or something his family would also expect me to do it as well

She's 87 and it's not her house?

Did you say, "has anyone been to the council?" but they all ignored you?

Sympathy, OP.

Could she live with you?
If you don’t want that, I suggest you get involved to find a peaceful solution.

I haven’t got the space and I couldn’t cope I already have a disabled child and a husband what isnt working due to waiting for a hip replacement and I know she can be hard work . So I can’t have extra to put on me but his family just don’t seem interested in any of it . I have rung the council this morning and they said appointments are for homeless people. The lady took mother in laws number and said someone would contact her by 11 they had and told her to register with selectmove.

but that’s where you have to bid on houses or flats and that could take months .

it’s all a mess my husbands only answer is to go slap the grandson but what’s that going to achieve. I can understand her daughter being stuck in between her mum and her son it mustn’t be easy but someone needs to help sort it . When she decided to go live with her daughter my husband wasn’t happy about it and his mum didn’t speak to him for 8 months . So if she lives her daughters now they will probably never speak again.

I have no clue might just let them get on with iwhatever it’s not my responsibility .

quick update she’s been offered a flat locally it’s due to be ready in the next few weeks .
I don’t think it’s ideal it’s a first floor first with stairs her older son says she could have a stair lift put in but how longs that going to take. She ended up in hospital at the weekend after falling down stairs. He just says you don’t get much choice with social housing but surely she could wait for a ground floor flat . Her daughter as asked if she could go stay somewhere after she’s got the keys till all her stuff have been moved in .
she definitely wants rid
couldn’t imagine having to start again at 87 and not in the best of health

Sal

she could have a stair lift put in but how longs that going to take. If she’s going to pay for it herself, the installation takes half a day, with a waiting time of well under a week. Go for refurbished rather than new - massively cheaper, and the average stairlift is used only for about a year.

Don’t think she could pay for it herself her sons been told to speak to age uk and ask them for help. She’s been told she will be able to apply for pension credit only when she moves out . She’s not a lot of money

Sal