Awaiting diagnosis

[Patsy7299]

Hi All, I wrote previously about my struggles with DM and family involving themselves and causing more harm than good.

Things have declined rapidly with my DM and I don't know where to turn.

I have one son (25) who has been assisting me with round the clock care as my mother is now a danger, not only to herself but to the residents in her tower block (she set fire to her house last year) and my son is leaving in next few weeks to live abroad. Carers come in morning/evening and assist with medication but no other help. Below are the issues I am currently facing:

*Now incontinent
*Refusing personal care both from carers and myself

• Wandering from flat *Thinking fabric softener is milk/laundry capsules are biscuits *No concept of where she is and that she is in her own home *Can only recognise me sometimes *Told me not to return to flat *Constantly eating but doesn't remember *Agitated constantly and becoming aggressive *Not sleeping

I work Tuesday-Friday and between my son and I we are staying round the clock but cannot sustain this (as he will be other side of world shortly) and my mental health is now at tipping point. I have contacted Social Work daily to ask for an urgent Social Worker allocation but awaiting their response. They cannot provide any increase in care package until an assessment has taken place.

Hospital at Home have also ruled out any medical cause of the confusion and deterioration and there is nothing more they can do. It has come to the point that either my mother or I will have to have something drastic happen before help is given. I have LPOA however until diagnosis, this cannot be invoked.

I am not eating or sleeping and trying to hold down my job. I have also written to my local MP but is there anymore I can do meantime? She is refusing respite and without diagnosis I can't make her, even though I have told her I am at breaking point 😢

I would call 111 or her gp for an urgent review, it sounds like she lacks capacity and is a danger so she needs to be in hospital or a carehome.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP.

You need to stress to social services that your mother is ‘vulnerable’ and ‘at risk’ - these are apparently the buzz words.

However, as long as SS think you are coping (just) since they are usually overstretched they will typically let you get on with it.

It’s drastic, but you may have to tell them that you’re going to withdraw all support, so that some sort of crisis will precipitate action.

Even more drastic, I heard (via the Alz. Soc. forum for carers) of someone who was so exhausted and at the very end of her tether, having being fobbed off several times, so she eventually told SS that if they didn’t do something NOW, she was going to take her parent (with dementia) to A&E and leave her/him there.

Only then did SS act.

That is what someone else suggested to me this morning. We cannot go on like this, it is affecting my mental health beyond words. Thank you for response.x

Thank you, this is what I have been saying to no avail. If I don't hear from SS today then I will be doing this.

This sounds really evil but I would take her to a&e, say she's unwell and leave her there.

Let social services take over, she needs to be in a care home.

It sounds the most sane thing I have heard! I really do think I will have to take this route as I am getting nowhere, thank you!

She may refuse to get in a car to go to a&e or become very distressed and unsafe in the car. Ive known people trying to get out whole it's moving. It would be safer for her to go in an ambulance. I'd try 111 first for an urgent doctor review.

As others have said try 111. There is a mental health option. From what you've said it sounds like it's a mental health crisis/emergency. I think there's an option for mental health when you ring 111 - there's more information here - https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

My DM was admitted to hospital last night under an emergency AWI 🥲 hospital were amazing and couldn’t believe the lack of support from social work (who could find me respite at a cost of £1500 for one week then would return her home).

I have LPOA however until diagnosis, this cannot be invoked It doesn’t need a diagnosis, it needs agreement by those involved in the decision that she doesnt have capacity for the decision.