Aging mother ignoring health

[HairGodsHelpMe]

My mother was someone who never ig ored her health. If anything was was worse. If she had a cold she would make a doctor's appointment and over exgarrate her symptoms and feel much better holding a paper subscription for antibiotics. That's what she used to do when I was younger. Even as teenagers it drove us mad seeing what she was doing.

Then a few years ago, maybe about 10 years ago she was in town one day and she fainted and an ambulance was called for her. From that a few things were found - maybe high blood pressure. I don't know. She's been taking blood pressure pills for a long time and she keeps on top of that.

But for the past few years she's been neglecting everything else.

She came home from a GP appointment a few years ago to say she has high cholestrol but she doesn't want medication but she wants to treat it naturally through her diet and got me to research it just to argue with everything.

The same thing happened again last year - more high cholestrol that she is still neglecting to this day.

I do t have a dementia diagnosis for her but I strongly suspect it's happened and it's just another indication of poor comprehension.

About 2 or 3 weeks ago the nurse from the GP practice rang her for annual check up - probably bloods and blood pressure monitor. My mother made an appointment. Just to turn around the next day and cancel it. My mother's phone rang this morning and it was the practice again likely phoning her about the annual check up and shes ignoring her phone yet again.

I'm furious with the GP practice to be honest. They should be referring her to the hospital to a geritician the fact that she's not cooperating with the local practice.

I also think in regards to the blood pressure tablets that she's on, considering she's behaving like this - her medication should be stopped by the GPs until she goes in for a review.

She’s entitled to make her own decisions. They treat high cholesterol with statins. A doctor was on here the other week to say that you have to treat 200 people with statins to avoid one cardiac incidence - if that is true, it makes a lot of sense on a population scale, but the benefit isn’t quite so obvious to the individual.

maybe if she’s worried about dementia, she doesn’t feel particularly inclined to extend her life and increase her chance of getting it. They can’t refer her to e geriatrician without her consent.

You don't say how old she is, but she is entitled to make her own decisions about her healthcare.

The gp won't refer her. Do you have any idea how many people don't engage with healthcare.

Maybe she doesn't want to eat healthily. Maybe she's enjoying her life and wishes to be left alone. That is her choice, not yours.

There's no point being angry with the GP. They can't drag her in and shove pills down her throat, and they can't force her to see anyone else. If they made a referral to a geriatrician (or memory clinic or whatever), she could cancel it just as easily as she cancels GP appointments.

Sorry I'm another who doesn't agree. I dont think think a GP should stop blood pressure meds that your mum needed without a review. And she is cooperating - she's taking those tablets.

The GP practices at the moment do not have the resources to chase up non-compliant patients even if they wanted to (it's the patient's choice whether to comply too!) and it's extremely unlikely they'd refer to a geriatrician just because someone cancelled an appointment.

It's already doing far more than my GP surgery is by even phoning up about an annual review. At mine we're expected to remember the annual review is needed (no reminders sent), get in touch via the website to arrange it, collect the blood test form from reception and then go somewhere else for the blood test, then get own blood pressure taken using a self-service machine. They don't contact you with any results from the blood test, even if a follow up is needed, they expect you to log on the following week to your patient record, check the blood test result and see if it says "Follow up needed", then you fill in the online form again to arrange that yourself.

I didn't realise this the first year and so didn't get a follow up until a year later!

I'm furious with the GP practice to be honest. They should be referring her to the hospital to a geriatrician the fact that she's not cooperating with the local practice.

You're not serious.
It's entirely your mother's choice if she goes to her GP appointments.

I'm sorry but what is with the constant infantilising of older people on MN? Your mum has a right to make her own decisions about her health OP, and if she has been given all the information to make an informed choice then that needs to be respected. Would you like it if someone tried to force you to do something you didn't want to do on the basis that it was "good" for you?

Rather than be "furious with the gp " (whose fault this is not), perhaps you could suggest something that would help or encourage her.

For example dropping her in at the gp for her appointment and waiting in the car for her, and then going further coffee and cake after.

Or something else helpful. Perhaps she's scared of the results or scared of going out these days alone?

Worth a try to help her. Would she even let you do her bp at home? Then she could be reassured it's fine or told how bad it is and that she must phone gp right away for advice.

If they stop her meds she could have a stroke or heart attack so they won't want to do that. But they will if she doesn't come in. Eventually. Presumably.

Not sure if pharmacies offer a bp service. Maybe that would be an option if she doesn't like the gp for some reason.

I think I understand what OP means even if it wasn't phrased well. The fact that mum is ignoring things might mean a serious event down the road a bit. If that means that OP will have to care for mum, well I would feel the same as she does!

However there's not much you can do about it. Do not be furious at the GP, by the looks of it everything is stable for now. High cholesterol doesn't mean instant demise, and statins don't suit everyone either. Just because she refuses statins and is blase about other things, doesn't mean the woman is losing her mind! Maybe she is just sick of being told what to do and has decided to ignore everyone.

I'd back off OP and leave her and her GP to it TBH. Otherwise YOU are the one who will suffer, not your mum. Been there got the medal...

I hope I never get to the point I think I can boss my parents around.

@yumyumyumy it's bizarre. There was another thread maybe a week ago with a poster basically asking if it would be a good idea to ask her mum to sign over all her properties to her and her siblings according to the will!

It's as if you're not allowed to have autonomy after a certain age.

No one should be coerced into healthcare they don’t want. Even if she has cognitive decline that doesn’t mean she does not have capacity in this regard.

A couple of friends of mine are medical consultants and a fair while ago,told me that statins are useless at treating high cholesterol in women,as women don't react to them the same way as men do. But no one realised this for a long time,as drugs are rarely tested on women as men are considered the 'default' human,and the concept that women's bodies might not react to drugs the same as men's is a very new one.

She's absolutely allowed not to fuss about her health. Constant check ups could be a waste of time. Who knows? But the point is, it's her decision.